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"Ever since the sniper I change barstools every few beers."
"Some of the older boys can be a bit rowdy, but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Mr. Smallcrotch."
'So, which way up do the cards go?'
"Just give me anything that's lost its will to live/"
"Hey! A singles bar! This is gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel!"
'Well of course I'm not tired of living. What a frightfully silly thing to say!'
'Dibs on the slow one in the snow suit.'
'Permission to voice concern regarding the men's morale, sir...'
Evolution has not been kind to me.
"£300 for binoculars? They must've seen you coming."
"Today is the Feast of the Epiphany, also known as El Dia de los Reyes. On this day, we celebrate the arrival of the three wise men, and children everywhere receive special gifts."
The Stop & Rob.
'Why do they always pick on me...?'
'The problem with that is that it makes you an easy target.'
I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season'
'This hole was designed by the club barman.'
". . . And he didn't hear my approach, as the clan were watching a Bob Monkhouse DVD. . ."