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"It's not just the church that needs evangelists. So does big oil."
Tags:church, churches, evangelist, evangelists, evangelical, evangelicals, big oil, oil company, oil companies, spokesman, spokesmen, spokesperson, spokespeople, praise, praises, praising, shill, shills, shilling, corporation, corporations, megacorporation, megacorporations, mega-corporation, mega-corporations, run interference, runs interference, running interference, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, pastor, pastors
"I'm leaving you and the kids to join the Promise Keepers."
Tags:evangelical, evangelicals, irony, ironic, fatherhood, families, family, christian, christians, bible, bibles, husband, husbands, father, fathers, dad, dads, religion, religions, radical, radicals, jesus, jesus christ, christ, marriage, marriages, conservative, conservatives, family values, divorce, divorced, divorcing
"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."
Tags:centimeters, centimetre, metric system, metric unit, imperial unit, imperial system, measurement, measurements, conversion, conversions, converting, convert, converts, converted, monk, monks, friar, friars, priest, priests, evangelical, evangelicals, evangelicalism, atheist, atheists, religious belief, religious beliefs
"O.K., the first rule of Bible Club is: always talk about Bible Club."
Tags:bible, bibles, bible study, bible studies, bible study group, bible study groups, bible group, bible groups, bible club, bible clubs, book club, book clubs, religion, religious, evangelical, evangelicals, evangelicalism, evangelism, christianity, spreading the word, spreading the word of god, preaching, club, clubs, rule, rules, movie, movies, film, films, movie quote, movie quotes, film quote, film quotes
'I just can't believe I'm related to them.'
'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.
"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."
Tags:pastor, pastors, church leader, church leaders, priest, priests, evangelical, evangelicals, evangelical christian, evangelical christians, skip church, skips church, skipping church, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, congregation, congregations, worship, worships, worshiping, worshipping, worshiper, worshipers, jump the gun, jumps the gun, jumping the gun
"Perhaps I should have called this an Ice Cream Social."
"My congregation isn't taking my clown ministry very seriously..."
"That's the preacher's dog."
"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"
"Just because the preacher is from Alabama doesn't mean he's speaking in tongues."
Tags:preacher, preachers, pastor, pastors, evangelical, evangelicals, church, mass, congregation, congregations, speak in tongues, speaking in tongues, reverend, reverends, services, church service, alabama, alabama accent, alabama accents, southern accent, southern accents, hard-to-understand, difficult to understand, accent, accents, strong accent, strong accents, heavy accent, heavy accents, assumption, assumptions, assume, assumes
"Here come those 7th Day Add-ventists. Them them we're 8-theists, and we don't believe in higher powers."
'I don't know why they keep expecting me to destroy the earth. They're doing a great job on their own.'
Tags:rapture, end of the world, doomsday, doomsdays, apocalypses, fundamentalists, fundamentalism, evangelicals, religious belief, religious beliefs, divine wrath, christian beliefs, christian belief, after-life, god, religious, destroy, destroyed, end of the world, armageddon, apocalypse, environmentalist, environmentalists, global warming, climate change, pollution
"I'm between congregations."
Tags:conman, conmen, con man, con men, con-man, con-men, con, cons, scam, scams, scam artist, scam artists, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, evangelical, evangelicals, congregation, congregations, follower, followers, spiritual leader, spiritual leaders, religious leader, religious leaders, prisoner, prisoners, prison, prisons, jail, jails, crimes, criminal, criminals
"For the last time, Vernon! It's not the rapture - it's a sunny interval!"
"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"
Tags:sock, socks, missing sock, missing socks, laundry, laundry machine, washing machine, washing machines, housework, chore, chores, faith, faiths, conversion, conversions, finding jesus, christianity, christian, christians, faith, faiths, belief system, belief systems, evangelical, evangelicals, convert, converts, reynolds unwrapped
Jesus' First and last day as a trucker...
"Just ignore him. He witnessed his whole life and now he can't stop."
Tags:witness, witnesses, witnessing, jehovah's witness, jehovah's witnesses, jesus, evangelical, evangelicals, evangelicalism, convert, converts, converting, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, heaven, heavens, paradise, belief system, belief systems, religious belief, religious beliefs
"Oh, so this is what a Bible looks like."
Tags:trump, donald trump, president trump, christian, christians, christianity, evangelical, evangelicals, fake, fake it, faking it, president donald trump, swear in, swears in, swearing in, inauguration, inauguration ceremony, disbeliever, atheist, atheists, atheism, religiosity, belief, bible, the bible, pious, feign, feigns, feigning
'Hello. Have you ever thought about your afterlife? I've got some literature I'd like to share with you.'