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"You have a large, yellow mass in your albumen, but I'm told that's normal."
"Try this – I just bought a hundred shares."
Tags:doctor, doctors, prescription, prescriptions, prescribe, prescribing, big pharma, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies, pharmaceutical lobby, pharmaceutical lobbies, corruption, corrupt, patient, patients, doctors office, doctors offices, exam room, exam rooms, shares, bought shares, shareholder, shareholders, vested interest, vested interests
"Worse than a cold. It's a common cold."
"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."
"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."
"I had been moving money around all day, then I started shifting some blame."
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, bad back, bad backs, exam room, exam rooms, medical exam, medical exams, metaphor, metaphors, metaphorical, heavy lifting, manual handling, lift, lifting, shifting, moving, moving money around, shifting the blame, shift the blame, blame, pass the buck, manual labour, manual labor, hard work, pun, puns, wordplay
"Any tightness or difficulty breathing."
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, exam room, exam rooms, medical exam, medical exams, question, questions, medical question, medical questions, tick box question, tick box questions, stupid question, stupid questions, snake, snakes, boa constrictor, boa constrictors, crushed, crushing, tightness, difficulty breathing, snake attack, snake attacks
"Fortunately I have a very good anti-virus software that will take care of this."
"My 'check gallbladder ' light came on."
"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."
"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."
"If this doesn't work we'll try a prescription with a lot more syllables."
"So is flesh-eating bacteria the good kind of bacteria or the bad kind?"
"You're going to require a hip hop replacement."
"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."
'Is he second screening my screening?'
'Doctor, I think they switched my results - this letter I received says I have dense breasts, but wouldn't that mean they'd be perkier - at least above my belly button?'
"Don't be scared! I'm just wearing this old x-ray gear for throwback Thursday."
Tags:x-ray, x ray, x-rays, xray, xrays, radiologist, diagnostic imaging, radiology, radiologists, rads, rad tech, radiology technician, throwback thursday, medical history, history of medicine, medical advances, medical advancements, scary costumes, scary costumes, patient, patients, exam rooms, examination room, healthcare, health care
"Mind if I pop the hood."
"Congratulations - you're twins!"
"Most of us around the clinic think that thing on your head is pretty cool."
"Doctor, you're so much taller in person than on my home computer screen!"
Tags:robot, robots, doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctor's office, exam rooms, physicians, exam room, physicians, patient, patients, telemedicine, remote medicine, house calls, medical website, medical websites, patient data, healthcare, health care, health records, patient portals, health portals, digital medicine, medical practice, face-to-face, doctor robot, doctor robots
"My shirt is off."
"I worry when my doctor turns out the lights to tell me something scary."
School boy uses 'Sats Nav' to navigate his way to exam room.