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'I'm afraid you've contracted one of the more literal strains of human rhinovirus.'
'It's something so rare, Google doesn't know.'
'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'
Brent Mundayne, life-long sufferer of Zero-Personality Disorder.
'There's no known remedy yet but in three years time you should start bearing fruit.'
Postcards from Tapeworms
"I think we can rule out migraine."
'Your condition is being upgraded from a medical journal article to a letter to the editor.'
'Could you diagnose something exotic for my status updates on facebook?'
'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'
'Is it contagious?'
"I know - I have the same symptoms - what do you suppose it is?"
Mrs. Wallace sounds off: 'My husband and I went to Hawaii for a vacation, he came down with one of those tropical diseases. Do you think our medical plan would pay for it?...'
"Wow! We'll have to name this disease after you."
'I specialize in unpronounceable diseases.'
'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'
'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'
'I don't know what it is, so I'll knock 20% off my bill.'
'Let me put it this way, if you were an animal, I'd donate you to research.'
'However, it's pronounced- I'm sure that's what I have!'
"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."
"Good news, we're naming a disease after you."