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Early divorce settlement
"There's nothing wrong with our marriage, but the spectre of gay marriage has hopelessly eroded the institution."
"We're looking for a long dining room table that can symbolize the growing chasm between us as our marriage devolves into a black charade of alienation and indifference, for around twelve hundred dollars."
"Your kids have left and gone on to lives of their own..." a dog yelps while his owner runs away.
Great, first the marriage turns sour, now the milk.
"What rhymes with 'failed marriage'?"
"Three. How many times you been married?"
"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."
'I'm very old and alone now: Sometimes, I think I should have left one of my husbands alive...'
'I've had a series of unfortunate marriages.'
'Have you considered telling each other to go to hell and getting a divorce?'
'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'
'I want a divorce...I told my husband that I need more space and he locked me out of the house.'
'I took my wife to the tunnel of love...She told me to wait outside.'
Divorcing the boring husband
'They saved the marriage by directing their anger toward a third party.'
'I tried marriage once...It was the longest three days of my life.'
Duvet with line graph design.
"I'm divorced - not certifiably pre-owned!"