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"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"
Tags:bullet, bullets, bullet hole, bullet holes, symptom, symptoms, health, health concern, health concerns, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, appointment, appointments, concern, concerns, cause for concern, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, family doctor, observe, observes, observant, bedside manner, casual, casual attitude, gun crime, gun crimes, mass shooting, mass shootings, gun culture, examination, examinations, symptomatic, disease, diseases, ill, illness, illnesses
"The doctor would like you to pee into this chalice."
"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"
Tags:diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, problem, problems, bite, bites, biting, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, ailment, ailments, ill, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, problem, problems, health problem, health problems, monkey on your back, monkeys on your back, anxiety, anxieties, anxious, anxiousness, worry, worries, worrying, stress, stress management
"It used to be enough to just stop. Now I need to stop and take an aspirin."
Tags:headache, headaches, cure, cures, curing, remedy, remedies, prescription, prescriptions, prescribe, prescribes, prescribing, stop, stops, stopping, hammer, hammers, bump, bumps, bumping, checkup, checkups, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, paracetamol, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, tablet, tablets, pill, pills, pill popper, pill poppers, pill popping
"You're sicker than I think."
Tags:medical, doctors, fitness, language, clichés, cliche, sick, sickness, ill, illness, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, diagnosis, diagnosing, disease, diseases, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, family doctor, family doctors, bad news, break bad news, breaks bad news, breaking bad news, mankoff
"Sounds like a heart attack. Tell him to take two aspirin and call my office in the morning."
Tags:heart attack, heart attacks, diagnosis, diagnoses, thrombosis, drug, drugs, ethics, ethical, sleepy, uninterested, disinterested, two aspirin, routine, uncaring, bedside manner, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, unethical, ethics, aspirin, routine call, routine calls, on call, can't be bothered, couldn't be bothered, bored
"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."
Tags:tinnitus, ring, rings, ringing, ear, ears, ear trouble, ear troubles, ear problem, ear problems, ear infection, ear infections, cow, cows, cattle, cowbell, cowbells, cow bell, cow bells, bell, bells, diagnosis, diagnoses, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors
"Oooo. That's cold."
Tags:stethoscope, stethoscopes, cold, freeze, freezes, freezing, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors, snow, snowman, snowmen, complain, complains, complaining, complaint, complaints, patient, patients, physical, physicals, heartbeat, heartbeats
'Might be depression. Your tongue is depressed.'
"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"
"Well, this is a very impressive resume, young man. I think you're going to make a fine patient."
Tags:doctors, resume, resumes, c/v, c/vs, cv, cvs, impressive resume, impressive resumes, obamacare, obamacare repeal, repeal, repeals, repealing, patient, patients, application, applications, american health care, american healthcare, healthcare system, healthcare systems, job application, job applications, good doctor, good doctors, family doctor, family doctors, mankoff
In hindsight, I suppose, the number of medical school diplomas on the walls should have been a red flag.
Tags:red flag, red flags, warning sign, warning signs, warn, warns, warning, warning, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, family doctor, family doctors, quack, quacks, hindsight, benefit of hindsight, diploma, diplomas, award, awards, certificate, certificates, waiting room, waiting rooms, ominous
'I'll talk to the animals for £250 an hour.'
Tags:doctor dolittle, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, private doctor, private doctors, charge, charges, high fee, high fees, fee, fees, for-profit, for profit, doctor, doctors, medical doctor, medical doctors, private practice, private practices, family doctor, family doctors, capitalist, capitalism
"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."
"Having a new patient with all your ailments, Mr. Shneeburg, is almost like winning the lottery."
Tags:pre-existing condition, pre-existing conditions, ailment, ailments, illness, illnesses, insurance risk, insurance risks, healthcare, healthcare reform, reform, reforming, health care, health insurance, insurance, insure, insures, insuring, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors, new patient, new patients
Tags:guns, crime, economy, government, modern life, money, doctors, medical, stickup, stickups, holdup, holdups, family doctor, family doctors, physician, physicians, general practitioner, general practitioners, gp, gps, sense of humor, senses of humor, sense of humour, senses of humour, tease, teases, mock, mocks, mocking, mankoff
"This is going to be a little invasive."
Tags:appointment, appointments, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, shot, shots, injection, injections, fear of needles, needle phobia, phobia, phobias, invasive, warn, warns, warning, gp, general practitioner, family doctor, bedside manner, procedure, medical procedure, vaccine, vaccines, vaccination, vaccinations
"There's your problem."
Tags:problem, problems, shark, sharks, shark bite, shark bites, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, appointment, appointments, obvious, obvious problem, obvious problems, pain, pains, painful, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnosis, ache, aches, aching, bite, bites, chomp, chomps, chomping, problem, problems, issue, issues, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors
"Look – now I've gone and caught your stupid disease!"
Tags:doctor, doctors, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, exam room, examination room, medical examination, medical examinations, medical, gp, general practitioner, gps, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors, disease, diseases, contagious, contagious disease, contagious diseases, contagion, infectious disease, infectious diseases, infectious, infection, bedside manner, bad bedside manner, unprofessional, unprofessional behavior, unprofessional behaviour
"Am I doing something wrong? He won't even consider hibernating."
Tags:bear, bears, hibernate, hibernates, hibernating, bad sleeper, bad sleepers, insomnia, insomniac, insomniacs, parent, parents, parenting, bad parent, bad parents, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, sleep expert, sleep experts, sleep clinic, sleep clinics, sleeping, nap, naps, napping, parenting advice, fussy sleeper, fussy sleepers
"I'm retiring, so on your next visit you'll be seen by two robots and an electron microscope."
Tags:retire, retires, retiring, doctor, doctors, family doctor, family doctors, physician, physicians, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, robot, robots, robot worker, robot workers, replacement, replacements, microscope, microscopes, electron microscope, electron microscopes, automation, automated worker, automated workers, impersonal, personal touch, personal touches
"This morning you're the expert witness in a sore throat case, and tomorrow you're the expert witness in a paper-cut case."
'I delivered him during the second act of Les Miserables. I delivered her during the first act of Phantom of the Opera. This one I deliveried. . .'