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"Remember son: Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% media manipulation."
"There are plenty of children out there who would love being a pirate."
"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."
A father kisses his son on the head
"They may be your grades, but they're the return on my investment."
'...Just like Daddy!'
'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'
"Attaboy... a good, firm grip. Now, let's go sanitize our hands!"
'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'
"Don't take it personally, Dad, but if I need advice, I'll ask my phone...it's a lot smarter than you are!"
'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum,'
'And is this antagonistic relationship with your father an ongoing thing?'
"Son, there's three things I want you to never forget...never give up on a dream...marry for love...and use 8-digit complex passwords!"