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'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'
"But Dear, there were no fat people before bread was invented!"
"The Diet Special is bacon cheese nachos....served on a bed of lettuce."
'We've done it! We've extended the life of Twinkies. If only we could do that for humans.'
'My doctor told me I needed to curb my appetite.'
'Sex, drugs, rock & roll and fattening foods.'
'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'
'These are natural and organic ... two slabs of hog's bacon deep fried in crispy batter and dipped in chocolate.'
"1 cookie, 2 donuts, 3 cupcakes, 4..."