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The Seven Ages of Woman
"Do I look old and ugly to you? I'm only wondering because I'm the only woman in this company who hasn't been sexually harassed!"
'Never mind how accurate they are -- How DISCREET are they?'
'I wouldn't stand on it. It makes mum cry every time she does it.'
"She said she's looking forward to her 35th but she should be looking back on it..."
'If you don't count your birthday...why should I remember it?'
'You're the first woman to admit to buying a laptop to hide your cellulite.'
'Why did you tell everyone I was 84?'
'I'm trying to get in shape enough so I can wear Spandex in public.'
'Happy birthday. The candles cost more than the cake.'
'My cosmetic surgery clinic does well but it's always nip and tuck.'
Vanity for the Surveillance Camera
'Just be patient. I always like to look my best going into the bank now that they have installed security cameras!'
"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."