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'I'm really serious about keeping my New Year's resolutions. In the past, my resolutions were always in one year and out the other.'
New year resolutions.
"That's odd...they left me cookies, but no milk."
"Each year John has so much trouble untangling the lights, they're on him longer than the tree!"
"We put milk and cookies out for Santa so I thought I would put lettuce and carrots out for the Easter bunny."
'It's some carol mimers dear.'
'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'
"He knows when you are awake or sleeping. He knows when you've been good or bad. No one pays attention to invasion of privacy laws any more."
"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"
What a health nut might leave out for Santa
Elf on the Top Shelf