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Dunlop and Crowel: Disinvestment Counselors
I would like to start a regualr investment program that will help pay my daughter's college textbooks
'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'
And then I charged him Â£5000 for an hour on 'cutting costs'.
'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'
"Yes, it's true that Social Security could run out of funds. But that shouldn't worry you...at your age you'll be long dead by then!"
'Enviousness, crime, fear... money causes the most of the trouble on Earth. So why don't you just give me all your money and live a much happier life?'
'I'm looking for a kinder word than nose-dive.'
'My first piece of advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket.'
'My cash flow? It flows right out of my hands to my creditors.'
'I asked to be placed on the national no-call list for margin calls.'
'If it's safety and security you're looking for, we recommend throwing your money down a rat hole.'
"This article says that a good investment consultant can smell money like a dog smells fear..."
"And how, may I ask, do you plan to invest the loot?"
'I used to be a financial analyst - but all my predictions of economic meltdown came true!'
'In my years of meditation, I've concluded that being a prophet without profit is not the path to nirvana.'
First, you'll need to issue an IPO for 'wheels'
"This is Brad. If there's a loophole, he'll find it."
"Sure you can question my financial judgement, but you have to admire the strength of my convictions."
'Boy - How I miss the good ol' dangerous dogs... '
Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.
'Having conducted a comprehensive review of your business strategy and financial forecasts...'
Joker Financial Consultant
"What separates the expert from a normal accountant is the ability to make simple things utterly incomprehensible."
Victims of Financial Consultant's