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"It's all learning-is-fun and invented spelling then - bam! - second grade."
'You are entering second grade, Roger, not first grade the sequel.'
'What's the point of all this school business when we can just look up things on the internet?'
"Yes! Another report card with nothing but A's! I can start tutoring first-graders now!"
Old McDonald, first grader, fails English.
"I had three 'panic attack' cases today, two first graders and a rookie teacher."