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"Look, darling - two pieces of old rug, nailed to our slippers, and Hey Presto! - no need for expensive carpets...!!"
"Your heart rate's good, but it shouldn't be beating under the floor like that."
'I thought this only happened in cartoons.'
New home - should have got a survey.
"Where did you say you got that number for the removal chappie?"
Painting into a corner.
'...About this laminated wood flooring I purchased from your company last year...'
'You did that on purpose!'
Little known trivia: Fred Astaire began tap dancing when he had loose floor boards, but no hammer.
'Is that the purpose of life?'
'That's Milly for you...she buries her bones the minute she gets them.'
'Help! I've painted myself into the fireplace...'
'I made the mistake of redoing the house in Limousin oak, right before Jack decided to start barrel aging his merlot.'
Floorist: 'Say it with Timber'
'Say it with Timber'
Mouse hole with a lift
Woodworm surrenders with a white flag, as man treats floorboards with woodworm killer.
"Our robot vacuum's setting might be set too high. Our carpet is gone."