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Death 'n' Taxes
"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."
"She just loved baths, so, so much."
'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'
"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."
"Personally, I prefer cremation."
"It was so sudden. You were lucky to find a sponsor."
"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."
"At least he went quick. Although not quick enough, I'm afraid. This discount coupon expired last month."
'For his funeral he said he wanted to have an open fruit basket.'
'Poor Harry. He always wanted a burial - not a cremation.'
Funeral Directors: 'Morning Madam, why the long face?'
Dinosaur Funeral Director
"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"
'I'm glad you could make it. He always liked you. Can you stay for the flush?'
"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."
"I don't like our new casket salesman."
"And this our sport version...it has a nice sunroof in it!"
U-can take it with you funerals.
'Put his ashes in the shop vac, it'll save me trouble.'
"When I die I want a closed casket funeral."
'You want to be cremated? O.K. get your coat...'
'I've just been next door and from what the doctor said, it's not really worth me going home...'
A wife is reading about funeral directors at her husband's hospital bedside.
'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'