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'Give it to me straight, doctor - is it Dutch Elm Disease?
"We cloned DNA from Captain Cook's bookts, and grew the world's largest piece of tinea!"
'Are these mushrooms edible?'
'This species of fungi was last spotted in Oxford by Alice Liddell in 1862!'
"Try to spend less time in your cellar."
"I wouldn't mind but I spent a fortune on those mushrooms!"