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'There! That should make sure they don't do it again.'
'Oh gross, manure.'
'Yup, might be time for a new gardener.'
"Incidentally, I'm ordering all this fertilizer for peaceful purposes."
Tags:fertilizer, fertilizers, fertiliser, fertilisers, farmer, farm, farmers, farms, garden, gardener, gardens, gardeners, bomb, bombs, chemicals, chemical, dangerous, dangerous chemical, ammonium nitrate, explosion, explosions, suspicious, suspicions, fertilizer bomb, fertilizer bombs, fertiliser bomb, feriliser bombs, poison, poisonous, nitrogen, nitrates, terror, terroize, terrorise, terrorists, terrorism, explosive, explosives
"We're simplifying our lives."
Tags:simplifying, simplify, simplifies, simple, keeping it simple, keep it simple, declutter, decluttering, declutters, bonfire, bonfires, fire, fires, burn, burning, set fire, couple, couples, suburban couple, suburban couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, yard, yards, garden, gardens, vintage, vintage cartoon, vintage cartoons
"Make a note, Henderson: 'May 4, 9:02 a.m. Unauthorized plant life again growing at random on lawn outside main entrance corporate headquarters. Spoiling symmetry and tranquility. Breeding confusion. Have said plants removed and incinerated soonest. Eyes only.' Original to Maintenance copies to Accounting and Security. And this time, Henderson, let's not have any leaks to the damn secretarial pool."
"We took care of our leaf problem a long time ago."
Tags:fence, fences, wall, walls, garden, gardens, inside, indoors, home, homes, house, houses, gardening, gardeners, gardener, neighbour, neighbor, neighbors, neighbours, nosey, nosy, men, man, husband, husbands, home owner, home owners, neighborhood, neighbourhood, leaf, leaves, leaf problem, rake, raking, rakes, hell, hellish, hells, satan, satanic, devil, the devil, devils, demon, demons, punished, punishments, religious imagery
"I brought the bougainvillea in from the greenhouse. It wasn't happy out there."
Tags:relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, plant, plants, flower, flowers, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, greenhouse, greenhouses, happy, happiness, unhappy, annoyed, upset, bougainvillea, thorn, thorns, thorny, hobby, hobbies, botany, botanist, botanists, science, taking over
"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."
"Lawn fish. They're hell to get rid of."
For the new gardener.
Tags:gardens, garden, gardener, gardeners, green thumb, green fingers, brown thumb, brown fingers, garden fads, beauty fads, fashion fads, food fads, faddy food, garden fails, garden tool, garden tools, consumerism, consumerist, marketing, false advertising, deceptive advertising, misleading advertising, promote, promotion, advertising standards, new gardener, amateur gardener, amateur
In the houseplant cemetery.
Tags:houseplant, houseplants, cemetery, green thumb, green thumbs, keep alive, keeps alive, keeping alive, plant, plants, graveyard, graveyards, headstone, headstones, epitaph, epitaphs, kill houseplants, killing houseplants, murder, murders, murdering, greenery, fake plant, fake plants, fake houseplant, fake houseplants, old age, die, dies, dying, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners
Tags:bonsai, bonsai tree, bonsai trees, gardener, gardeners, garden, garden, autumn, fall, rake, rakes, raking, raking the leaves, raking the lawn, chore, chores, tiny garden, tiny gardens, modern life, miniature, flat, flats, apartment, apartments, modern attitudes, no garden, perfectionist, perfectionism, overkill, pointless, pointlessness, city life, city, cities
"Compost? I say it's manure, and I say the hell with it!"
Tags:vegetable, vegetables, veggies, lettuce, head of lettuce, cabbage, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, farming, agriculture, crop, crops, growing crops, garden, gardening, gardener, gardeners, plant, plants, growing, raising, compost, dirt, manure, fertiliser, kid, kids, child, children, young, younger, old, older, adults, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, language, word play, wordplay
"The growing season has barely begun, but I've already been getting death threats."
"Please hurry, Hilary. Your soup's getting dirty."
'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'
Johnny Appleseed's evil spawn
Tags:johnny appleseed, john chapman, pioneer, pioneers, american pioneer, american pioneers, american history, historical figure, historical figures, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, nature, nature lover, nature lovers, apple tree, apple trees, weeds, crabgrass, dandelions, dandelion, poison ivy, nettle, nettles, planting seeds, plant seeds, grow, grows, growing, evil spawn, children, child, progeny, legacy, legacies, grandchild, kid, kids, grandkid, grandkids
Corn and Bunion plants.
"The garden is my résumé."
'I think we found the spot where you spilled the fertilizer.'
A bird pulls a flower out of the ground and sings into it as though it is a microphone.
"We really need to do something about the lawn."
Tags:garden, gardens, lawn, lawns, lawn mower, lawn mowing, uncontrollable, out of control, lazy, laziness, maintain, maintaining, maintenance, child, children, play, plays, playing, drown, drowns, drowning, gardening, gardener, gardeners, overgrown, wild, neglect, neglected, home maintenance, sort out, sort it out, problem, problems
"I was born a pest and I shall die a pest!"
"End of February, McIntosh. Time to think about our spring plantings."
Tags:jail, jails, prison, prisons, incarceration, behind bars, imprisoned, imprisonment, penitentiary, penitentiaries, correctional facility, correctional facilities, prisoner, prisoners, inmate, inmates, convict, convicts, criminal, criminals, punishments, cell, cells, cellmate, cellmates, celly, cellie, cellies, garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, leisure.hobby, hobbies, spring, springtime, planting, plant, plants, flower, flowers, plan, plans, planning, february, spring planting, season, seasons, planting season, seasonal