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'Sorry we had to kill you, but it was the only way we could get some computer tech support up here.'
Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.
Tags:einstein, time, nature of time, wait, waits, airport, airports, air travel, plane travel, plane travels, trolley, trolleys, theory of relativity, general theory of relativity, gate, gates, board, boards, boarding, long wait, long waits, stop, stops, stopping, time stopping, impatient, impatience, hurry, hurries, hurrying, hurry up, hurries up, airport terminal, airport terminals, frustration, frustrations, first world problem, first world problems
"I understand they have some lovely things."
Tags:protection, security, security system, security systems, surveillance camera, surveillance cameras, cctv, closed circuit television, home defence, home defense, armed, secure, protected, safety, safe, protect, guard, guards, guardian, guardians, gate, gates, locked, alarm, alarms, burglar alarm, burglar alarms, wealthy, rich, affluent, well-off, the one percent, the 1%, home, homes, house, houses, mansion, mansions, estate, estates, property, properties
'What?! Oh, that's just an expression. Of course you can take it with you!'
'As it turned out, I was in the group that received nothing but a placebo the whole time.'
Heaven- A Gated Community
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, christianity, christian, judaism, gated community, gated communities, exclusive community, exclusive communities, sins, denied entry, denied access, death, security, secure community, secure communities, wealth, privilege, property, properties, expensive property, expensive properties, exclusive property, expensive housing, exclusive housing, exclusive, exclusion, exclusive properties, unaffordable, unaffordable property, unaffordable properties, unaffordable housing, real estate, sign, signs, signage keep out, gate, gates, ornate gates, secure, protected, rejected, protect, protection, reject, rejection, pearly gates, pearly gate
'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'
"If you are travelling with small children or if you just need a little extra time, we invite you to board the aircraft at this time."
Tags:travel, travels, traveling, traveled, travelling, travelled, air travel, airport, airline, boarding, board, boarding airplane, airport gate, airport terminal, airport terminals, gate, gates, announcement, announcements, gate announcement, gate announcements, sheep, shepherd, shepherds, sheepherder, sheepherders, herd, herds, herd of sheep, farmer, farming, farmers, sheep farming, sheep farmers, sheep farmer, passenger, passengers, airline passenger, airline passengers, gate agent, gate agents, flight attendant, flight attendants, air steward, air stewards, airline, airlines
"You say 'meek,' but your records say 'passive-aggressive.'"
Tags:heaven, angel, angels, god, st. peter, st. peter's gate, gate, gates, entrance, entrances, judge, judges, judgement, judgement day, judging, death, after death, life after death, dead, modern, modern life, modernise, modernize, technology, computer, computers, record, records, history, data, meek, humble, passive, passive-aggressive, passive aggressive, unassuming, gentle, wordplay, word play
"No, this isn't a book signing."
'Ever stop to consider we live in a gated community?'
"The old pearly gates looked nice, but they were hell to maintain."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, gate, gates, fence, fences, fencing, architecture, design, decoration, decorations, landscaping, chain-link fence, chain-link fencing, chain-link fences, maintenance, upkeep, hell
'My S.A.T. scores were too low? That's it?'
By some incredible stroke of luck, the staff of the Ontario Art Gallery had put up the sign just moments before the arrival of Bill Gates.
Very best ATM's.
'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'
Bill Gates' wallet.
'This is a gatored community... not a gated community!'
Toast of the future
'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'
"The barbarians are at the gates, Mr. Rollins!"
Tags:history, historical, ancient, barbarians, barbarian, uncivilised, uncivilized, primitive, gate, gates, entrance, entrances, lobby, lobbies, receptionist, receptionists, secretary, secretaries, business, office, offices, office life, invasion, invasions, invading, destruction, destroying, breaking, attacking, expression, expressions, word play, wordplay
An family approaches the entrance to a park with a banner saying "Welcome to the Cooper family reunion"; a nearby van has a sign that reads "DNA verification required before entering grounds".
Tags:family, families, family reunion, family reunions, science, scientific, biology, test, tests, testing, genetics, gene, genes, dna, verification, requirement, requirements, required, entrance, entrances, gate, gates, identification, identity, medicine, medical, lineage, pedigree, family tree, ancestor, ancestors, ancestry, relative, relatives, family line, bloodline, bloodlines, privacy, invasion of privacy, modern life
"You're right, sir—it is cute. But the last time we let one of these things in the entire kingdom was overrun with ticks, mites, and fleas."
Tags:ancient, history, troy, trojan, trojan horse, greek, greece, horse, horses, dog, dogs, animal, animals, trick, tricks, castle, castles, kingdom, kingdoms, guard, guards, gate, gates, cute, tick, ticks, mite, mites, flea, fleas, disease, diseases, puppy, puppies, stray, strays, stray dog, stray dogs, homeless, carrier, carriers, hiding, hidden, overrun, trojan dog, dangerous, risky, risk, danger, dangers, unsafe
Ya, that's me, whackin' some rat-faced dirt-bag. Funny how, whenever we look back, we only remember the good times.