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"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."
"No worries. It's a normal part of aging. I'll give you a prescription for a higher pair of pants."
"I think you need a hearing test."
Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!
"Nothing to be concerned about. Short-term memory foam loss is very common in a mattress your age."
"I don't know if age is just gaining on me or if my adult diaper is slowing me down."
"What's creaking...you or the floor?"
"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."
"I told him he's as sound as a dollar and he asked me how long he had."
"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."
"Here's your support, Dad, and here's mine."
"Good news, all the tests indicate the pain and swelling are a result of wearing your pants too high."
"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"
"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."
"You know that snap, crackle and pop in the morning? That's the sound of my joints when I get out of bed."
"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."