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"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."
'Why can't we be a one parent family?'
'Bye now --pay later.'
'We need to start dividing the housework for more peaceful marriages?' - What they'd say if they really wanted the women's vote.
'Why do I get the feeling my divorce is final?' (Motorbike has been cut in half).
'If it weren't for my husband, we'd be the perfect couple.'
'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'
"Now, you wait right here while I go ask my wife for a divorce."
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'Why do I get the feeling my divorce is final?'
'You again? -- what went wrong this time?'
Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'
'I hope Mom and Dad get back together. I miss the hypocrisy.'
'We videotaped the wedding, so why not webcam the divorce?'
You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.
'What's wrong with us, Mason? Everyone we know has been divorced at least once but us!'
'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'
'When I got divorced, I lost 180 pounds. At least I think that's what he weighed.'
'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'
"I wouldn't usually say, 'she's always copying me' is grounds for divorce."
Wife gets custody of the children, you get custody of the babysitter.
I want something to quieten my nerves - I want a divorce.
I need a divorce! Who's the lucky woman?
If I wanted a fair settlement I wouldn't have hired you.
My wife is talking to me again- through her solicitor.
My lawyer sends his regards to your lawyer.