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Initially excited about the possibilities of email, God lost interest when he discovered someone was already using his favorite screen name.
'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'
God uses the universe as a reading light.
Tags:god, almighty, creator, creators, divine, divinity, read, reads, reading, reader, readers, reading light, reading lights, late night, late nights, night owl, night owls, light, lights, let there be light, creation, genesis, divine creator, divine creators, divinity, theology, bookworm, bookworms, book worm, book worms, book group, book groups
God rolls dice
Tags:roll of the dice, rolling dice, roll dice, die, god, gods, man in the sky, giant hand, giant hands, random, randomness, chance, death, died, dying, die, luck, lucky, unlucky, no luck, gamble, gambling, gambling with lives, covid-19, corona, coronavirus, corona virus pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, disease, diseases, flu, flus, illness, sickness, virus, viruses
"Darn - missed! I wish I had one of those space-based lasers."
"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."
Tags:religion, religious, god, heaven, bible, biblical, angel, angels, judgement day, last judgement, final judgement, day of judgement, doomsday, the day of the lord, second coming of christ, business, planning, scheduling, timetable, timetables, long weekend, long weekends, timetabling, meeting, meetings, board meeting, board meetings, decision, decisions, deciding, choosing a date, deciding on a date, settling on a date, committee, committees, weekend, weekends
"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."
Tags:politics, politician, politicians, political, political leader, political leaders, government, governments, president, presidents, election, elections, relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, god, gods, religion, religious, prayer, prayers, pray
"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."
Tags:religion, religious, god, pray, prayer, prayers, praying, bible, biblical, new testament, mammon, evil, business, businessman, businessmen, money, finances, wealth, wealthy, rich, greed, greedy, avarice, materialism, materialistic, communication, phone, phones, telephone, telephones, call, calls, put on hold, hold, holding
'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'
"Remember,this is a one-shot, not an entitlement."
Tags:religion, religious, god, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, cellular phone, cellular phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, smart phone, smart phones, smartphone, smartphones, app, apps, application, applications, technology, praying, prayer, prayers, plague, plagues, weather, apocalypse, lightning bolt, lightning bolts, prophet, prophets, love, romance, soulmate, soulmates, holy book, bible, bibles, biblical, devil, email, emails, e-mail, e-mails, game, games, social media, social networking, social network, social networks
'Hey...pull my finger.'
Heaven's IN/OUT filing.
Tags:heaven, heavens, file, filing, files, fate, fates, judgement, judgement day, in, out, tray, trays, filed, last judgement, final day of judgement, in tray, out tray, in-tray, out-tray, hell, hells, purgatory, damned, saved, doomsday, god, gods, christian, christians, the day of the lord, office, offices
"Excuse me, have you heard how great I am?"
Tags:god, gods, flyer, flyers, street, streets, preacher, preachers, street preacher, street preachers, religion, religions, religious, gospel, open-air preaching, public preaching, great, greatness, handout, handouts, leaflets, leaflet, advert, advertising, adverts, announce, announcement, poster, posters, sell, selling, advertisement, arrogant, arrogance, self-important, self important
"Wait. Don't look. O.K., over my left shoulder-is that God?"
"Limbo as such has been phased out, but we'll be keeping you on hold for an unspecified amount of time."
Tags:religion, religious, death, dead, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, god, limbo, purgatory, nothingness, uncertain, unspecified, unknown, phased out, gone, hold, holding, on hold, holds, time, waiting, technology, phone, phones, telephone, telephones, calls, call, calling, customer service, service
"Around here his word is law."
"Ever wonder if there's something less?"
The Home Birth of Venus
Tags:the birth of venus, sandro botticelli, renaissance art, famous paintings, famous art, italian renaissance, art history, art historians, artists, artist, painter, painters, play on words, play on word, hallucination, hallucinations, sleep walking, sleep walker, middle of the night, vision, visions, venus, greek myths, greek mythology, god, gods, greek gods, inconvenience, inconvenient, in the way, bothersome, annoy, annoying, home birth, home birthing, home births
'Honestly, I think I may have cleaned it a little too well.'
Tags:michelangelo, sistine chapel, adam, god, chapels, religious art, rome, artist, artists, famous artwork, famous artworks, biblical painting, biblical paintings, cleaner, cleaners, cleaning, bill, bills, paint by numbers, fraud, frauds, renaissance, painter, painters, painting, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
'it's lonely at the top.'
Jesus snowblows a cloud.
"Peace on Earth, good will toward crows."
Tags:selfish, self-interest, self-interested, prayer, prayers, pray, prays, praying, peace on earth, world peace, nature, animal, animals, selfishness, bug, bugs, turtle, turtles, chipmunk, chipmunks, frog, frogs, crow, crows, god, ego, egotist, egotists, egotistical, species, preference, preferences, self-involved
Bedtime Of The Gods
Tags:ancient, ancient egypt, egypt, egyptian, egyptians, pagan, paganism, pagans, personification, personify, bedtime, teeth, tooth, toothbrush, dental, dental hygiene, dental care, oral, oral hygiene, toothpaste, floss, tooth paste, flossing, offering, offerings, sacrifice, sacrificing, god, gods, avatar, descended, descending, primitive, early man, primitive man, religious, religion, religious offering, religious imagery, invert, inverted, inversion
" 'Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin'? What kind of cookie is this?"
Tags:fortune cookie, fortune cookies, babylon, babylonian, king, kings, mene mene tekel upharsin, prophecy, prophecies, omen, omens, warning, warnings, warning from god, warnings from god, chinese restaurant, chinese restaurant, rich, riches, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemous, fortune, fortunes, prediction, predictions, curse, curses, old testament, torah, belshazzar's feast, writing on the wall, daniel, arrogant, arrogance, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, cookie, cookies, dessert, desserts, humility, humble, humbles, god, jehovah