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'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'
"There was no large metal object in your rib cage after all. Turns out I was just seeing this old-timey doctor thing on my forehead."
'I've been under a lot of pressure, lately, doc.'
'Everything came back negative.'
'Good news...the rattling is not in your lungs.'
'In my professional opinion, your immune system is over-stimulated.'
'I'm going to refer you to a podiatrist, Achilles.'
"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"
'I couldn't diagnose this ailment on the internet, so I was forced to come to you.'
'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'
'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'
'The patient will see you now,Doctor!'
'To cut down on malpractice suits, my colleague, Dr. Hand, will do all the talking...'
'Your case would make a great medical journal article, but frankly, the national enquirer pays more.'
'So you're saying, I'm done for, Doc.' 'I don't like that kind of talk... It's, 'I'm done for, DOCTOR.''
'The doctor will see you shortly. Try not to disappoint him.'
'Let's ease into this -- I want you to try fasting between meals.'
'I'm sorry, Dr. Hecht is not accepting any new patients, because he's in too high a tax bracket already.'
'It appears your skin is inflamed. Use this ointment if it flares up again.'
'Found problem... you passed kidney rock.'
'What do you mean there's no wait to see the doctor? I brought a picnic lunch and lots to read!'
'Now that's a strange reflex, Burl.'
'You've a Thames Water variant of water retention.'