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"First, we numb you by showing you today's headlines."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operating theatre, operating theatres, operating room, operating rooms, media, news, newspaper, newspapers, magazine, magazines, technology, online, fake news, laptop, laptops, tablet, tablets, smartphone, smartphones, headline, headlines, anaesthetized, anaesthetize, anesthetized, anesthetize, anaesthetised, anaesthetise, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists, painkiller, painkillers, numbing, numb, numbed
"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"
Tags:dog, dogs, dog trick, dog tricks, obedience training, dog training, canine, canines, good dog, newspaper, newspapers, pup, pups, dog owner, dog owners, dog lover, dog lovers, headline, headlines, bad news, current events, avoidance, avoidance tactic, dog trainer, dog trainers, martini, martinis, relaxation, evening paper
"I don't suppose there's another once-in-a-lifetime astronomical phenomenon coming up soon?"
"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."
Tags:news cycle, news cycles, news show, news shows, news program, news programs, news report, news reports, press conference, press conferences, press, media, press release, press releases, press statement, press, statements, media statement, media statements, reporter, reporters, journalism, journalist, journalists, headline, headlines
Global warming forcing wildlife out of natural habitats.
"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."
"You look sensational!"
Tags:news, newspaper, newspapers, tabloid, tabloids, paper, papers, press, media, journalism, sensational, headline, headlines, new york, new york city, ny, nyc, fashion, style, clothes, clothing, dress, dresses, womensewear, women's fashion, women's clothing, women's clothes, compliment, compliments, complimenting, wordplay, word play
"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"
Tags:current events, current event, news report, news reports, news story, news stories, government policy, government policies, informed, news show, news shows, informed reader, news program, news programs, political events, political event, headline, headlines, magazine, magazines, cocktail party, cocktail parties, small talk, small-talk, critic, critics, critical, cynic, cynics, political opposition, political opponent, political opponents, political view, political views, informed voter, informed voters, qualification, qualifications, opinion, opinions, opinionated, unqualified, armchair expert, armchair experts, expert, experts, expertise
"We opened our newscast with the question, 'Did a U.F.O. land on Staten Island?' We can now report that did not happen."
Tags:television, televisions, watching television, tv, tvs, watching tv, t.v., t.v.s, watching t.v., news, newscaster, newscasters, reporter, reporters, announcer, announcers, broadcaster, broadcasters, newsman, newsmen, news anchor, news anchors, anchormen, anchorman, presenter, presenters, media, broadcasting, reporting, headline, headlines, clickbait, sensational journalism, sensationalism, fake news, exaggeration, exaggerations, exaggerating, spaceship, spaceships, flying saucer, fly saucers, ufo, ufos, u.f.o., u.f.o.s, unidentified flying object, unidentified flying objects
Two headlines read 'dog bites cat,' and 'cat bites dog.'
Tags:dog, dogs, dog lover, dog lovers, dog owner, dog owners, dog person, dog people, cat, cats, cat lover, cat lovers, cat owner, cat owners, kitty, kitties, cat person, cat people, cats and dogs, cats vs dogs, fight like cats and dogs, fighting like cats and dogs, fight, fights, fighting, headline, headlines, media, media bias, news, newspaper, newspapers
Florida Man Strikes Again
'Although nothing newsworthy happened today, we will give you meaningless chatter, with the same enthusiasm we reserve for breaking news.'
"It looks like it's going to be a slow news night."
Comparing the headlines of three different New York based newspapers.
Tags:new, newspaper, newspapers, new york, new york city, ny, nyc, daily news, journalism, reporting, sensationalism, headline, headlines, front page, front pages, front page news, reporter, reporters, journalist, journalists, tabloid, tabloids, current events, current affairs, media, press, gutter press, sensational journalism, exaggerating, exaggeration, fake news
"I'll check the news."
New Studies Show All Foods Bad For You.
Revenge of the Snails
Flower steals water during a drought.
"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."
'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'
'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'
'I can't open a paper without reading another grizzly story.'
"Well, if the news bothers you so, turn it off."
"You'll get a chuckle out of what Maureen Dowd says about you in today's 'Times'."
Tags:maureen dowd, columnist, columnists, reporter, reporters, journalist, journalists, journalism, prisoner, prisoners, newspaper, newspapers, article, articles, news story, news stories, headline, headlines, press coverage, media coverage, crimes, criminal, criminals, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, sense of humour, sense of humor
'Watch the news with the sound turned off. You're suffering from information overload.'