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'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'
Big Society in hospitals
'Do you remember when all we had to do was look after people?'
'If you have ANY concerns about your treatment and want something done about it you need to video the problem on your phone and send it to the BBC's 'Watchdog'.'
Primary care trusts (PCT) passing work to GPs.
'Give it to me straight, doc. If I outlive medicare, will I have to flee Canada?'
'Once you introduce profit into the NHS what will you end up with?'
'Unfortunately, your insurance only provides one dart this year.'
'Get behind me Satan!'
'And I want a load of those statins I read about that let you eat as many fatburgers as you like without getting a heart attack.'
'I appreciate the concept of universal health care, but there are limits.'
'He's not in anything like intensive care. In fact, we're sort of ignoring him.'
GP Pint Pot - Increased opening hours/health mot's/5% NHS Services.
"I'm glad you took the trouble to diagnose your own symptoms using the internet...and you'd be 100% accurate...IF you were a GOAT."
'The only clinic in town who will accept new medicare patients is supposedly around the corner.'
"Are we cold blooded enough to run an H.M.O?"
'Rooms are £200 a day. Did you want nurses...? Bed...? Sheets...?...'
'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'
"I'm going to try and get an outpatients appointment, I may be some time!"
"That's the PFI wing, we thought it was going to be bigger!"
'The new automated systems have cut patient appointment times in half!'
"Slight misunderstanding...the 2000 isn't the target...it's the years it might take to reach the target!"