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Litigator's Heaven: 'Would you look at this? No handrails! Man, someone is just asking for a big, fat lawsuit. And don't get me started on the heating system.'
Shrinks in heaven
'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'
A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.
Initially excited about the possibilities of email, God lost interest when he discovered someone was already using his favorite screen name.
'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'
"All I seem to have brought with me is a headful of baseball statistics."
Self-Help Books For The Newly Dead
A halo lifts a toupee off an angel.
Angel in heaven walking a dog that is peeing off of a cloud
"The wings are addictive."
"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, pearly gates, pearl gates, the pearly gates, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, sins, judgement, judgements, judgement days, dying, afterlife, the afterlife, after life, the after life, blasphemy, blasphemer, blasphemers, blaspheme, blaspheming, let off, let-off, lucky escape, lucky escapes
"Sorry, all the wings are standard."
"I died in my sleep."
"Then I met Pamela who was drop-dead gorgeous."
Tags:heaven, angel, angels, dying, dead, complement, complements, attractiveness, attractive people, attractive person, attractive women, attractive women, drop dead, dropped dead, dropped dead, drop dead gorgeous, drop-dead gorgeous, beauty standards, fatal mistake, fatal mistakes, life story, life stories, attraction, beauty, beautiful woman, beautiful women
"That's where the celebrities are."
Tags:celebrity, celebrities, levels of hell, levels of heaven, hierarchy, hierarchies, inequality, cant take it with you, can't take it with you, privilege, privileges, rich person, rich people, the one percent, the 1 percent, wealth divide, wealth gap, pearl gates, pearly gates, gates of heaven, heaven, afterlife, the afterlife, st.peter, st peter, saint peter, judgement, judgement day, dying, died
"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."
Tags:religion, religious, god, heaven, bible, biblical, angel, angels, judgement day, last judgement, final judgement, day of judgement, doomsday, the day of the lord, second coming of christ, business, planning, scheduling, timetable, timetables, long weekend, long weekends, timetabling, meeting, meetings, board meeting, board meetings, decision, decisions, deciding, choosing a date, deciding on a date, settling on a date, committee, committees, weekend, weekends
"Oh them, They're contrarians."
"Damn, looks like that snotty kid of Ben and Edna's is coming up the tunnel of light."
Tags:heaven, heaven’s gate, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, gates of heaven, death, dead, dying, child, children, family, families, family conflict, family conflicts, black sheep, black sheep of the family, brat, brats, bratty children, relatives, relative, snotty kid, snotty kids, snotty children, snotty child, there goes the neighborhood, cloud city, tunnel of light, tunnel of lights, white light, disappointment, disappointing
Heaven - with Children
'Sorry we had to kill you, but it was the only way we could get some computer tech support up here.'
"Talk about heaven - eight francs to the buck and old Binky still a chiselled blonde."
"Another near-death experience."
"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
'Well...let's just say that, on a very local level, you were right.'