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"How could you forget to bring your receipts?"
"Sorry, Bernie. We found out about your rejuvenating jelly."
'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'
"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."
"I got it this far - don't stop me now."
Tags:you can't take it with you, take it with you, taking it with you, money, greed, greedy, death, die, dies, dying, rich, riches, wealth, wealthy, elite, elites, expectation, expectations, heavenly gates, heaven's gate, gates of heaven, capitalist, capitalists, capitalism, stingy, miserly, miser, misers
"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
St Peter shaving the heads of angels
Tags:shannon faulkner, the citadel, corps of cadets, military college of south carolina, military college, military colleges, shaved head, shaved heads, faulkner v. jones et al., angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, heaven, pearly gates, heavenly gates, saint peter, st peter, st. peter, admissions policy, sexism, equality
'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'
'Sorry, you've got to go back. I've got you penciled in for eight more months of suffering.'
"But stay off the couch."
Tags:couch, couches, dog, dogs, furniture, forbid, forbidden, forbidding, saint peter, heaven, afterlife, afterlives, heaven's gate, heavenly gates, gates of heaven, pet, pets, behavior, discipline, disciplines, disciplining, dog trainer, dog trainers, dog training, obedience, obedience school, obedience schools
"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, heaven, heavenly, heavens, heavenly gates, pearly gates, st peter, peter, saint, saints, angel, angels, angelic, angelically, religious, god, gods, lord, religions, religious imagery, st. peter, the heavens, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, paradise, paradiso, nirvana, condolence, condolences, sympathy, sympathies, introducing, introduction, introductions, introduce, introduced, audience, applause, applaud, applauded, applauding, applauds
Heaven for Agnostics
"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"
Tags:lie, lies, lying, spin, spins, spinning, spin doctor, spin doctors, damage control, saint peter, st. peter, pr, public relations, pr rep, pr reps, pr representative, pr representatives, heaven, heavenly gates, heaven's gate, gates of heaven, plead, pleads, pleading, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, argue a case, arguing a case, argue, argues, arguing
"Ah! Here you are - over on the s**t list."
Guy at the gates of heaven but has to go through a maze to get there
"Now boarding first class and platinum."
Tags:pearly gates, heavenly gates, boarding pass, boarding passes, first class, first classes, platinum, platinum class, elitism, egalitarianism, class divide, elitist, elitists, wealth inequality, social inequality, class system, class systems, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, paradise, airport, airports, welcome talk
'Just a one-hour pass. I'm a process server.'
"When times were good I trickled stuff down."
Tags:death, heaven, heavenly gates, pearly gates, good times, businessmen, businessman, philanthropy, good deed, good deeps, wealth inequality, economic inequality, financial inequality, money, rich, poor, economy, ethics, morals, trickle down economy, trickle-down economy, saint peter, st peter, st. peter, afterlife, afterlives, business morals, business ethics, corporate ethics, corporate morals
"Archibald Monroe - I'll be heading Mr. Billing's transition team."
"Trust me. It's not a God-given right."
"Well, that was a birthday party the kids won't soon forget."
Tags:clown, clowns, circus, circuses, circus clown, circus clowns, birthday party, birthday parties, party, parties, birthday, birthdays, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, entertainer, entertainers, children's party, children's parties, children's entertainer, children's entertainers, afterlife, after-life, afterlives, pearly gates, heavenly gates
"I remember you, you borrowed my lawn mower and never returned it."
Welcome! Sorry, No WiFi.