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"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."
"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."
Tags:death, dead, died, heavens gates, gates of heaven, pearly gates, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, judgement, final judgement, lifes ledger, good deeds, bad deeds, sins, tip, tips, tipping, bad tipper, bad tippers, bad tip, bad tips, stingy tipper, twelve percent, 12%, restaurant, restaurants, host, hosts, maitre d
"And one more thing: you don't get to pardon yourself."
Tags:heaven, kingdom of heaven, afterlife, afterlives, hell, heavens gates, gates of heaven, pearly gates, st peter, saint peter, judgement, gods judgement, final judgement, trump, donald trump, president donald trump, president trump, pardon, self-pardon, pardon himself, mueller investigation, russia investigation, russian collusion, russian interference, russian controversy, impeach, impeachment
'One last question... Dog person or cat person?'
Tags:dog, dogs, canine, canines, cat, cats, feline, felines, heaven, heavens, entry, entrance, entrances, saint peter, st peter, heavens gate, heavens gates, awkward situation, awkward situations, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, spirit, spirits, dog lover, dog lovers, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'Smoking or non?'
Tags:heaven, heavens, entrance, entrances, entry, entries, smoke, smokes, smoking, smoker, smokers, non-smoker, non-smokers, non-smoking, angel, angels, heavens door, heavens doors, heavens gate, heavens gates, saint peter, st peter, choice, choices, choose, chooses, choosing, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
"They're not taking any chances, we have to wait two weeks to get in."
Tags:queue, queues, queuing, gates of heaven, heavens gates, pearly gates, heaven, afterlife, afterlives, two weeks, covid-19, corona, coronavirus, novel coronavirus, corona virus, novel corona virus, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, disease, diseases, illness, sickness, virus, viruses, self-isolation, social distancing, quarantine, quarantines, quarantined, lockdown, lockdowns, dead, death, deaths, death toll, death tolls
"You. You. And you."
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, the gates of heaven, heavens gates, pearly gate, pearly gates, angel, angels, bouncer, bouncers, security, security guards, security guard, crowd, crowds, queue, queues, selection, selection process, club, clubs, clubbing, admitting, admittance, admitted, exclusive, exclusion, elite, the elite, elites, chosen, chose one, the chosen ones, gods chosen ones, god's chosen ones, rope, ropes, barrier, barriers, ped barrier, ped barriers, crowd control, control, controls, controlled, contolling, crowd controlling, crowd controls, crowd controller, christianity, judaism, re teacher, religious education, re, religious studies, rs teacher, rs teachers, re teachers, pick, picking, choose, choosing, discriminate, discrimination, god
"I've got about 20 pages of questionable internet comments here."
"Well, so much for antioxidants."
'Welcome to Heaven - no proselytizing.'
Tags:heaven, afterlife, after life, after-life, religion, life after death, hereafter, gates of heaven, heavens gate, heaven's gate, heaven's gates, heavens gates, proselytizing, proselytize, proselytising, proselytise, evangelism, evangelical, christian, christianity, unexpected surprise, ironic surprise, conversion, conversions, nuisance caller, nuisance callers, nuisance calling
"No sir, we do not have beer here."
Tags:polka, polkas, polka song, polka songs, song reference, song references, beer, beers, ale, ales, heaven, heavenly, pearly gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, heaven's gate, heaven's gates, heavens gate, heavens gates, gates of heaven, afterlife, afterlives, after life, after lives, after-life, after-lives
"You faked your death once before—how do I know you're not faking it now?"
Tags:bible, bibles, biblical, the bible, heaven, heavens gate, heavens gates, heaven's gate, heaven's gates, pearly gates, pearly gate, st peter, peter, saint, saints, saint peter, insurance, insured, life, life insurance, dead, died, death, fake death, fake, fakes, faker, fraud, fraudulent, guilt, guilty, awkward, awkward moment, uh oh, christianity, christian, ethics, ethical, ethic, moral, morals, morally, lie, lies, liar, lying, lawyer, lawyers
'I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this.'
Tags:heaven, heavens, heavenly, heavens gates, heavens gate, gate, gates, hell, hells, angel, angels, angelic, dude, dudes, holy, direction, directions, directing, directed, directs, direct, annoying, annoyed, annoy, annoys, irritate, irritating, irritated, irritates, the flying mccoys, flying mccoys
'WHEW! Let me guess: You're the guy who died in the septic tank explosion.'
'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'
'Well of course I was trashed in the liberal media. But check out what Fox News had to say about me.'
'There's a 35 minute wait. However, if you're willing to sit in hell, I can get you a table immediately.'
'This is ridiculous! I'v enever had a sick day in my life!'
"Your accountant is insisting you return..."
"Smoking or not smoking"
Heavens gate 'Please enter, Do not fear to tread'
"Pearly gates? No way, this is Heaven. Everything's made of Chocolate"
"Book of judgement? Guess again. It's 'Rock,paper,scissors', best 3 out of 5"
"Oh, invented Dry cleaning, could go either way"