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'So, yeah! Take it home, look it over, and if anybody has any feedback my door is always open.'
'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'
"Don't rush me! There's a very delicate line between good kitsch and junky tchotchkes."
Moses leads his people to the dessert.
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
King Solomon's Wedding"You may kiss the brides. You may also kiss the concubines, but don't make a big tzimmes about it."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, ancient, biblical, hebrew, old testament, kings, book of kings, judaism, christianity, king solomon, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, polygamy, polygamous, concubine, concubines, wedding, weddings, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, wedding vows, vows, exchanging vows, saying i do, bride, brides, groom, grooms, kiss, kissing, rabbi, rabbis, minister, ministers, fuss, tzimmes, yiddish, shpasik, jtoons
Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank
'Are those tablets PC-compatible?'
'Oh no, I'm sure they'll believe me...but maybe you could sign them just in case?'
'Yeah, sure, a 'family outing'! I'm telling you, it's that time of year and he's eyeing my horns!'
'Just try to collect.'
Look who's religious all of a sudden
"What don't you understand? When my clients fly their guests over your farm on the way to Vegas, they'd like to see the words 'Mazel tov, Josh' spelled out in your cornfield."
Moses in Connecticut
'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'
Jewish Time Check
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, jewish grandmother, jewish grandmothers, jewish grandma, jewish grandmas, family, families, grandparent, grandparents, mother, mothers, mom, moms, mum, mums, parent, parents, yiddish, hebrew, time, time change, evil eye, superstitious, kayn aynhoreh
'Sorry, wrong house.'
"We don't think your wife will believe you were in the belly of a while, Jonah...better you should say you were playing cards with us!"
Tags:jonah, whale, whales, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, unbelievable, story, believable, sea, belly of whale, religion, religious, biblical tales, old testament, likely story, playing cards, funny, hebrew, christianity, husband, staying out, husbands, wife, wives, excuse, excuses
Moses and the wandering years. Another theory.
The Israelites Create a Golden Calf
Promised Land Signpost
'Whoa! - These aren't touchy-feely at ALL!'
'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'
Today's Yom Kippur Service
Tags:yom kippur, rosh hashanah, jew, jews, jewish, holiday, holidays, new year, new years, forgiveness, temple, star of david, judaism, religion, religions, religious, shopping, stereotype, stereotypes, worship, day of atonement, atonement, sins, synagogue, synagogues, holy day, holy days, hebrew, head of the year