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"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."
'No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.'
'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'
Don't like my slave mastering call 1-800-scream.
'Yarrr... I'll be needin' some tech support for me iPatch.'
"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."
Tags:training recording, training recordings, training tape, training tapes, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, help line, help lines, customer service, customer services, customer satisfaction, customer experience, training purpose, training purposes, customer experience, customer experiences
"I've got tech support. I'm on hold for tech support translator."
"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."
Tags:automation, automated, big shot, big shots, status, statuses, separate status, separate statuses, complaint, complaints, complaints line, complaints lines, ordinary person, ordinary people, hotline, hotlines, helpline, helplines, help line, help lines, preference, preferential treatment, unhelpful, bank, banks, banking, tech support, technical support, big bank, big banking, support line, support liens, customer support, customer support line, customer support lines
"This is customer support, or as we call it, the eighth circle of hell."
"How can I be of no assistance whatsoever?"
"1-800 Herd of Elephants."
"Your call is important to us."
Tags:call line, call lines, call-line, call-lines, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, skeleton, skeletons, bone, bones, corpse, police, policemen, policeman, detective, detectives, crimes, crime scene, crime scenes, customer service, customer services, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, hold, put on hold, wait, patience, patient
"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"
'Thank you for calling Dial-A-Psychic. In your immediate financial future, I see you throwing away $3.99 per minute...'
Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'
A help lion.
'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'
'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'
'Your call is important to us, but so are our coffee breaks. We'll be with you shortly.'
"To listen to your instincts, press one."
'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'
'You have reached our 24-hour tech support line. Please call back at another time. We are here to serve you 24 hours, but not in a row.'
"How may I direct your call? Doctor-assisted or regular?"
Tags:assisted suicide, assisted suicides, euthanasia, assisted-suicide, assisted-suicides, helpline, helplines, crisis helpline, crisis helplines, crisis hot line, crisis hot lines, crisis hot-line, crisis hot-lines, doctor, doctors, depression, depressed, death wish, death wishes, mental health, mental state, mental illness, mental illnesses
"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"
Tags:call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, helpline, helplines, help line, help lines, meditation, meditator, meditating, meditators, customer support, customer service, bad service, metaphysical, computer, computers, pc, pcs, modern technology, modern technologies, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, turn it off and on again, consciousnesses, conscious mind, guru, gurus, hermit, hermits