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'Well, Mr. Bell, I must say in all my years in this industry I've never conducted an interview with someone so devoid of even a semblance of professionalism... You're hired.'
"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"
Tags:fault, faults, weakness, weaknesses, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, skill, skills, hire, hires, hired, hiring officer, hiring officers, employer, employers, kiss up, kisses up, kissing up, suck up, suck ups, biggest fault, biggest weakness, greatest weakness, lie, lies, lying, impress, impresses, impressing, good impression, good impressions
"The salary is unimportant—I'll just siphon off what I need."
Tags:businesses, money, corrupt, corruption, corporate, corporation, executive, executives, human resources, hiring, hires, recruit, recruits, hired, embezzle, embezzled, embezzling, corporate culture, elite, elites, elitism, ethic, ethical, ethics, morals, morality, criminal, criminals, human resource, human-resources, human-resource, corrupts, embezzlement
"You're being hired on a trial basis; if after six weeks it hasn't worked, you'll be butchered."
Tags:hire, hired, hiring, job interview, interviewee, interviewer, boss, bosses, pig, pigs, piglet, piglets, butcher, butchers, butchery, butchered, trial, trials, trial period, trial basis, new job, career, careers, life line, thrown a lifeline, slaughter, slaughtering, consequence, consequences, harsh, excessive, temp, temps, temping
'We were ready to hire you until we saw the photo of you on Facebook sliding on the ice...'
"What the hell? We could use an idiot."
Tags:idiot, idiots, hiring, hire, hires, hired, new guy, new guys, diversity, workplace diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, positive discrimination, moron, morons, unqualified, incompetent, incompetence, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, worker, workers, working, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers
If we hired the same way we elect...
'I like your initiative. You've got the job.'
"We're looking for people to fire."
Tags:honest, honesty, honesty is the best policy, hire, hired, hiring, hires, personnel, hr, h r, h.r., human resources, business, big business, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, exec, execs, executive, manager, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, employment, employed, fire, fired, firing, office worker, office drone, office drones, excuse, excuses, interview, interviews, interview skills, capitalism, late stage capitalism, sardonic, sarcastic
"My leaving Wilkins & Jennings was perfectly amicable. They felt that I should be fired, and I agreed."
Tags:firing, fired, sack, sacked, sacking, unemployed, unemployed, unemployment, employ, employment, employs, employment, hiring, hired, personnel, staff, amicable, optimistic, optimism, business, businesses, office, offices, spin, spinning, positive, positive spin, spins, job, jobs, fire, recruitment, recruiting, worker, workers, quit, quitting, quits
"Frankly, we're at a loss, so we're looking for someone young and stupid to tell us what to do."
Tags:generations, generation, generation gap, age gap, age, ages, baby boomer, baby boomers, boomer, boomers, middle age, middle aged, young, youth, office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, failing business, millennial, millennials, college educated, university educated, fresh start, new ideas, new idea, suggestion, suggestions, hiring, hired, new hire
"As corporate sniper, you'll of course be given an office with a window."
Tags:office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, boss, bosses, hired, hire, new job, job, jobs, employee, employees, employment, gun, guns, gun control, second amendment, right to bear arms, firearm, firearms, handgun, weapon, violence, shooting, mass shootings, shootings, school shooting, school shootings, rifle, rifles, semiautomatic, automatic
"At this point, I'm just happy to still have a job."
"That was fun—Now you're rehired."
Tags:fire, firing, canned, canning, redundant, made redundant, redundancy, redundancies, cruel, cruelty, hire, hired, hiring, rehired, rehiring, re-hired, re-hiring, hierarchy, hierarchies, business hierarchy, business hierarchy, business executive, business executives, business manager, business managers, abuse of power, abusing power, abusive, bully, bullies, bullying, office bully, office bullies, office bullying, rat race, the rat race, getting fired
Knowing that her doctorate in bio-physics made her profoundly overqualified for the job, Susan played dumb during the interview.
"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."
Tags:sleeping, sleeping with the fishes, concrete, concrete shoes, shoes, mob, mobs, mafia, mafias, mafioso, hit, hit man, hitman, hit men, hitmen, contract killer, kill, killer, lamp, lamps, lampshade, lamp shade, hired killer, contract, hired, hired gun, decor, decorate, decoration, decorating, interior design, interior decor, assassin, assassins, assassination, assassinations
"I've penciled you in, Haskins, and I can eraser you out."
Vlad the Employer
Tags:prince, wallachia, ruler, rulers, vlad dracula, vlad the impaler, employer, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, employers, employment, employee, employee, interview, interviews, interviewee, manager, managers, management, hiring, hired, hiring manager, boss, history, historical, historical figure, historical figures, viking, vikings
"It's not that I don't like the job you're doing—it's just that I'd like to start seeing other people do it."
Tags:honest, honesty, honesty is the best policy, hire, hired, hiring, hires, personnel, hr, h r, h.r., human resources, business, big business, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, exec, execs, executive, manager, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, employment, employed, fire, fired, firing, office worker, office drone, office drones, excuse, excuses, workplace, unfair, job, jobs, working world, world of work, capitalism, late stage capitalism, sardonic, sarcastic
"You'll be a perfect addition to our expendable workforce."
Tags:business, businesses, company, companies, corporate, corporation, corporations, management, manager, managers, executive, executives, hierarchy, employee, employees, worker, workers, expendable, unimportant, replaceable, disposable, not important, lowly, low, low man on the totem pole, office life, office, offices, position, positions, rank, ranks, perfect addition, perfect additions, hiring, hire, hired, new worker, new employee, new workers, new employees, recruit, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, hr, human resources, h.r.
"If somebody's listening to this conversation, I need a job."
"They say you are a great warrior."
'It's OK, everyone makes mistakes. Look at me. I hired you.'
'Sure, it seems harmless, but you hire one human and the next thing you know, they're taking your job.'
"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."
Tags:writer, writers, novel, novella, novels, novel writing, poem, poet, poetry, poets, poetic, literature, literary, word play, play on words, ironic, irony, author, authors, authored, book, books, book lover, writing, should be writing, you should be writing, manuscript, artistic, artist, artists, art, arts, culture, cultured, writer's block, bookworm, book worm, bookworms, book worm, book, books, novel, novels, library, librarians, librarian, book lover, book lovers, literature, literary, lit, lit major, read, reading, avid reader, readers, reader, novel, novels, novelist, novelists, purple prose, proust, fake, faked, crap, full of crap, pretend, impostor, hire, hired, date, dates