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"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."
"Do you want Regular Hold or our new Power Hold?"
"Would you like a little phone sex while you hold?"
"Televisions used to be more fun. Remember playing with the vertical and horizontal hold?"
"Look, I don't mind being on hold, but my retirement party is starting in five minutes."
"Can you hold for a second? I have Can Waiting."
'You can't put me on hold - you're the speaking clock!'
"Can you hold?"
"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."
"You estimated wait time before you hang up in frustration is 19 minutes."
"Has she put us on hold?"
"We're cutting you off, none of our operators are game eough to talk to anyone willing to remain on hold for that long."
"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."
"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."
"Do you mean to say that we have both been on hold for half an hour?"
"That's gotta be some awesome 'hold music'!"
"yetthhh, i hold..."
"Your call has advanced in the queue, your persistence has been rewarded with an upgrade to premium hold."
"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."