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"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"
Tags:burglar, burglars, burglary, burglaries, robber, robbers, robbery, robberies, home invasion, home invasions, thief, thieves, theft, thefts, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, materialism, materialistic, worldly, consumerism, consumerist, consumerists, personal possession, personal possessions, home improvement, marie kondo, kondo method, konmari method, tidy, tidies, tidying up, clean up, cleans up, cleaning up
"Artie, they took my bowl."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners, personification, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, crime, crimes, burglary, burglaries, robbery, robberies, home invasion, home invasions, mess, messy, tied, tied up, bound, rope, ropes, bowl, bowls, dog bowl, dog bowls, food bowl, food bowls, dish, dishes, dog dish, dog dishes, food dish, food dishes, priorities, priority, guard dog, guard dogs, useless, bad guard dog, bad guard dogs, useless guard dog, useless guard dogs, security, home security
"Hey, sorry to call you guys this late on a weeknight, but I just happened to be in your basement."
'It's just until we get the lock fixed.'
"We were just headed to work. Can I call you back?"
Tags:career, career path, career paths, thief, thieves, burglar, burglars, robber, robbers, home invasion, home invasions, robbery, robberies, burglary, burglaries, criminal, criminals, inconvenient timing, bad time, bad times, phone, phones, phone call, phone calls, return a call, returning a call, morning commute, morning commutes, commute, commutes, going to work, heading to work, headed to work, headed to the office
"Nope. No, the top one. No, the other way."
Tags:burglar, burglars, burglary, burglaries, home invasion, home invasions, home invader, home invaders, property invasion, property invasions, robber, robbers, robbery, robberies, robbing, thief, thieves, theft, thefts, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, arrest, arrests, arresting, helpfulness, helpful, polite, politeness, lock, locks
"The are nice etchings, aren't they?"
"Your equity or your life."
"We're from the Department of Homeland Security. You left your damn door unlocked."
'Hello? Police? Yes, there's someone sleeping in my bed. Please hurry.'
"Please hurry - I don't know how long my cat can keep him subdued."
'Oh no! We've been Bruegeled!'
"There you go kid. If you have a monster he can't get out now."
"Before we commit to any course of action I think we should remember that we'd be protecting the very people who made the decision to remove our testicles."
Robber peers into a giant padlock.
Tags:robber, robbers, robbery, burglar, burglars, burglary, burgle, burgles, padlock, padlocks, padlocked, break-in, break-ins, breaking in, break in, break ins, security, home security, secure, secures, securing, home invasion, home invasions, home security, home security system, home security systems
"The noise has stopped. Did you sort it out?"
Tags:strange noise, strange noises, weird noise, weird noises, gun, home invasion, home invasions, robbery, robberies, gun, guns, home protection, protect, protects, protecting, 2nd amendment, 2nd amendment right, 2nd amendment rights, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, home invader, home invaders
'Good evening. I'm Scotty, the loss prevention specialist.'
'Is this the woman who broke into your room and stole your teeth?'
'Quick, Mabel, another selection from selection from 'Hello Dolly'. Let's hope it's true that there's safety in numbers.'
"Don't worry. You're insured, aren't you?"
'Yes is this the exterminators? I think I have an ant problem. They've invaded my house.'
'Look out!! My wife is going to hit your with my new 2-iron!'
Tags:golf, golfer, golfers, burglar, burglars, burglary, burglaries, home invasion, home invasions, self-defence, self-defense, golf club, golf clubs, iron, irons, 2-iron, 2-irons, thief, thieves, criminal, criminals, crime, crimes, robber, robbers, robbery, robberies, b and e, breaking and entering, b&e
"Why can't we have a proper burglar alarm?"
"Good evening sir, have you ever thought of installing a home security system?"
'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'