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"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit about fifteen per cent of the earth, a hundred-per-cent increase over what they have today."
Tags:blessed are the meek, sermon, sermons, sermon on the mount, jesus, tax bracket, tax brackets, campaign speech, campaign speeches, speech, speeches, homily, homilies, political speech, political speeches, minister, ministers, inherit, inherits, inheriting, tax cut, tax cuts, inheritance tax, death tax, religious right, right-wing, spin, spins, spin zone, spin zones, economics, supply-side economics, trickle-down economics, jesus, jesus christ
Actual Results May Vary
Tags:sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, church, churches, speech, speeches, result, results, results may vary, theist, theists, theism, atheist, atheists, atheism, false promise, false promises, organized religion, organised religion, end result, paradise, heaven, go to heaven, goes to heaven, going to heaven, gates of heaven, promise, promises, christian, christians, christianity, afterlife, afterlives
"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."
After a long discussion, Rev. Smith went along with the worship service count-down clock but not until after the congregation agreed to the wake-up blast horn!
"Is writing in 'wait for laughter' necessary?"
"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."
Tags:church, churchgoer, churchgoers, nap, naps, napping, sleep, sleeps, sleeping, snooze, snoozes, sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, speech, speeches, long speech, long speeches, long sermon, long sermons, bored, boring, preach, preachers, preaching, preacher, preachers, uninterested, lack of interest, pray, prays, praying
"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."
"The actual title of my sermon, Ms. Barns, is 'Are you going to hell?'."
"Do you think there's any chance he'll flip flop on sin?"
Blessed are the brief.
"You might need to pep up your sermons, Pastor Bob. Members are requesting WIFI in the pews."
"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."
"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."
Tags:priest, priests, vicar, vicars, church, churches, sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, boring sermon, boring sermons, church service, church services, the bible, old testament, the old testaments, scripture, quote, quotes, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, cherry picking, word of god, bible studies
"And, on the fifth day, the Lord said, 'let there be cats,' and there were cats."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, preacher, preachers, preaching, sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, bible, biblical, god, creation, creation story, creation myth, cat, cats, feline, felines, animal, animals, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism, personification, talking animal, talking animals, pretentious, arrogant, self-aggrandisement, self-aggrandizement
Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.
Tags:church, churches, pastor, pastors, priest, priests, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, christian, christians, christianity, catholic, catholics, protestant, protestants, now serving, sign, signs, signage, holy man, holy men, man of god, men of god, church leader, church leaders
"I wonder if he's talking to me?"
Tags:sermon, sermons, sunday sermon, sunday sermons, preach, preaches, preaching, homily, homilies, preacher, preachers, churchgoer, churchgoers, christian, christians, catholic, catholics, protestant, protestants, church, churches, church attendance, church attendant, pew, pews, audience, audiences, personal, personally
"Oh no...altar call."
While he agreed it had been a particularly good sermon, Harold the sound engineer would have preferred that Pastor Nigel had not concluded it with a mic drop.
Netflix and Church
Tags:church, streaming video, streaming videos, videostream, videostreams, video streaming, streaming service, streaming services, pun, puns, church, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, reverend, reverends, pastor, pastors, homily, homilies, sermon, sermons, sleep, sleeps, sleeping, nap, naps, napping, mass, masses, church service, church services, play on words, expression, expressions, idiom, idioms
'Today's homily is on irreverence.'
The Do's and Don'ts of Sin.
Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'
"I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you set your mind to it there's nothing you can't do."
"You can't serve both God and mammoth."