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'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'
"Oh, I do love a mystery."
Surgeon requests patient's motorbike if operation is unsucessful.
Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.
"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"
Glad to see your flu is down to two boxes of tissues a day.
'Hey doctor, how come I'm totally alone in this section?'
The doctor says I have man flu. - 'Did he give you any medicine?' - 'No. He said I should 'make the most of it'' - 'Eh?' - 'I feel soooo ill. Can you get me a sandwich?' - 'Gah!! Men are ridiculous' -
'I'm sorry, Ma'am, but medical science still has a lot to learn about machismo.'
Good Samaritan/Bad Samaritan.
"We'll soon have you well enough to accept my bill."
'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'