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"The hospital spent too much on consultants so we've had to cancel the custard!"
"The business consultant has ordered a 20% cut in compassion to save money so I'm afraid you'll have to talk to yourself from now on!"
"We've found someone online who's 28% better at being you for 34% less."
'We've had to lay off most of the nurses to pay for the locums...'
'There's no money to provide 'Care in the Community'...but we have just enough to move him into the carpark!'
'I'm all in favour of alternative medicine, using boiled twigs and chanting has cut our drug budget in half.'
'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'
'We're having Christmas in march, he was much cheaper then.'
'Most of our staff are now qualified...mainly as accountants!'
'As part of our new 'Environment' policy we're burning all the complaints to heat the wards.'
'Due to budget cuts, the Finance Department says after you finish the resection can you fix the tap?'
'I'm sorry you need surgery, but because of cuts, we won't be making cuts today.'
"Since the latest health cuts, business has been booming!"
"I'm all in favour of alternative medicine, using boil twigs and chanting has cut our drugs budget in half!"
"Hello, I'm Dr. Jones...assisting me today will be the hospital's CFO, Mr. Peters."