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"I'd like some Ketamine for my appetizer. What opiate would you recommend for my entree?"
"He was doing just fine till he choked on one of those flexible straws."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, waiting room, waiting rooms, waiting area, waiting areas, icu, intensive care unit, i.c.u., death, choking, choked, straw, straws, plastic straw, plastic straws, flexible, drinking straw, drinking straws, drink, drinks, drinking, bad news, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, dead husband, dead husbands, widow, widows, mourning, grieving, bereaved, hospital food, hospital meals, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour
'If we gave you nice food you may not want to leave.'
'I can eat anything I want? Is that because I'm well or is it my last meal?'
'The exercise ball really worked! I fell off it and ended up in the hospital. Couldn't stand the food and lost enough weight to fit into this suit.'
'The IV needs salt.'
'You haven't touched your lunch.'
'He's not a patient here, he just comes in to eat. With his coverage it's cheaper than a restaurant.'
"He would've been out last week, but he got sick eating hospital food."
"The hospital spent too much on consultants so we've had to cancel the custard!"
"Oh sorry. I gave you American apple pie. You're supposed to get the apple pie from a former Soviet Republic."
Tags:apple, apple pie, apple pies, american, united states, soviet, soviets, red scare, red scares, frighten, frightens, frightening, hospital, hospitals, hospital food, hospital foods, bad food, bad foods, tasteless, tasteless food, communism, communist, communists, cheap, cheap food, cheap foods, inexpensive
"So, if we were looking for feedback on your 'water'. on a scale of 1-10 how 'moist and refreshing' was it?"
"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, x-ray, x ray, x rays, x-rays, visitors, medicine, visiting hour, visiting time, visiting times, hospital food, patient, patients, illnesses, broken bone, illness, recovery, bone scan, broken bones, car accident, accident, illness, health, dude, surfing, surf, surfer, surfers, beach, life's a beach
"We've been told to introduce a more varied diet....Do you want your peas with chips or without chips?"
"We've just been given the Christmas menu....Do you want your beans on toast with festive mint sauce?"
'This pan of soapy water...I'm worried that if someone was blind, stupid and had no sense of smell or taste they might think it was soup!'
'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'
'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'
'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeout menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the high st!'
'Could I have a doggie bag?'
"The defibrillator's not for pressing panini."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medicine, medical, nurse, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, sick, ill, bed-ridden, sandwich, sandwiches, panini, panini, lunch, lunches, hospital food, food, meal, meals, snack, snacks, cooking, cook, cooks, chef, chefs, food preparation, making food, medical equipment, defibrillator, defibrillators, inappropriate use, alternative use, alternative uses, innovative, innovation, innovations, creative, good idea, hungry, starving
"That which doesn't kill you might give you stomach trouble."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, hospital stay, hospital food, hospital meal, hospital meals, bad food, bad meal, meal, meals, inedible, unappetizing, unappetising, patient, patients, sick, sickness, ill, illness, stomach problem, stomach problems, stomach trouble, stomach troubles, tummy problem, stomach issues, tummy troubles, food poisoning, die, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, cliche, cliches, hospitalized
"Nurse, I have a complaint. I asked for the house fressing for my salad and they put a bandage on it."