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'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'
"You don't get a room, Mr. Rheinschreiber, because you don't pay for a room! That's the whole idea of same-day surgery!"
A raccoon is hooked up to a trashcan IV.
'Excuse me, did someone here request to see the head nurse?'
"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"
"I'm prescribing homemade chicken soup. The one unpleasant side-effect is you'll have to heard my mother tell you about her grandchildren."
Vet Hospital Corners
Death visits a patient while wearing a clown nose.
All hospital rooms are expensive care units today.
Surgeons just want to have fun.
'We got your test results back. Read it and weep.' Bedside bloopers
'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'
Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.
Nurse cautioning a patient
"They call this a semi-private room?"