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"If the jury needs another day, they're using paper plates tomorrow."
'I know it's your bed, but she's our guest. Sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to sleep on the couch.'
'This is why I don't have you over more often.'
'We told Timmy he could have a friend sleep over tonight.'
'Oh no! I can't remember what I forgot to bring!'
Punchline: Another weekend ruined by an unexpected houseguest.
'I know they're moving back into urban centres but this is going too far!'
'I hope you made extras, because your evite went viral.'
'Oh, them. We don't really know them.'
Old lady at the door
"On second thought, we'd be pleased to stay for dinner."
"It's only for a week. You know that you and mother don't like to sleep three in a bed!"
'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'
Join me for dinner?
'If they haven't gone in ten minutes, I'm putting my curlers in...'
'Anything I can get you? Tea, coffee, coats and hats?'
'Goldilocks can have all the porridge she wants, but tell her to keep her mitts off my salmon mousse!'
'It's for you. . .'
"Well you did say just pop in if you are in the area!"