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"I never heard her say she was leaving you in charge."
"Edgar, I'm talking to you! For goodness sake, has the cat got your tongue?"
"We're 'vermin' and the cat is a 'pet' - It's all so arbitrary!"
'Are you my pet or am I yours?'
'Have you seen little Spotty?'
Boy weighs puppy: 'Ten... that's 70 in people-pounds, Sparky.'
'Son, remember your manners. Sniff the lady's bottom when you're being introduced.'
'I think the dog's about to shed.'
"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"
Feeding laxative to the parrot while he hovers over the fish tank
"Whose a pretty boy,then?" "You don't have to answer that."
"How in the world did he train his fleas to do that, anyway?"
"If evolution is all about survival of the fittest, how come cats are still around? Just sayin'!"