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"Firkins, when you're done with those photocopies, remove the new guy from his packaging, will you?"
Tags:employee, employees, employer, employers, hr, human resources, personnel, new job, new jobs, newbie, newbies, doll, dolls, toy, toys, package, packages, packaging, office job, office jobs, office worker, office workers, hr management, hr manager, hr managers, corporate culture, office drone, office drones
"Interviews are always stressful...this is his fourteenth....and they all turned him down!"
"Apparently we're to use our fictitious budget to employ some non-existent assistants to reach our imaginary staffing levels!"
"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."
"I'm afraid we don't have anyone to help you at the moment, but once our advertising and recruitment programme is finished we should have someone to see you in 8 years or so..."
Tags:staffing cut, staffing cuts, staff shortage, staff shortages, staffing shortage, staffing shortages, customer service, customer services, hr, human resources, personnel, hr manager, hr managers, recruitment program, recruitment programme, nhs, national health service, gp shortage, nursing shortage, doctor shortage, staffing crisis
Tags:hr, human resources, personnel, personnel department, personnel departments, hr department, human resources department, hr departments, human resources departments, robot, robots, android, androids, computer says no, robotic, human resources managers, human resources manager, hr manager, hr managers
"Thanking someone for 27 years of service and then laying them off in less than 140 words is really difficult."
'Er! So apart from the crushing workload, lack of support, weak and ineffective management, poor conditions and lack of flexibility was there anything in PARTICULAR you didn't like about working here?'
'Why did you offer the job to this one?'
'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'
'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'
Not knowing the HR Manager had a heart condition, the applicant sent a resume that would not be forgotten.
Firing people is extremely painful...'So it's only fair I get well paid for doing it.'
"Here's your fitness plan: Go down to the job center and tell the people there that you are the personnel manager who was responsible for their lay-offs. Then run!"
Tags:lay off, lay-off, lay offs, lay-offs, fitness plan, fitness plans, fitness, job center, job centers, job centre, job centres, personnel manager, hr manager, hr managers, personnel managers, laid off, laid-off, exercise plan, exercise plans, exercise, exercising, personal trainer, personal trainers, exercise regime, exercise regimes, fitness regime, revenge, vengeance
"You'll be head of HR & R, Human Relations and Reductions."
"Can I order a complete re-install please? Not my computer, my sales staff."