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"The salary is unimportant—I'll just siphon off what I need."
Tags:businesses, money, corrupt, corruption, corporate, corporation, executive, executives, human resources, hiring, hires, recruit, recruits, hired, embezzle, embezzled, embezzling, corporate culture, elite, elites, elitism, ethic, ethical, ethics, morals, morality, criminal, criminals, human resource, human-resources, human-resource, corrupts, embezzlement
'Where's My Job'
Tags:world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words, waldo, wally, invisible, invisible homeless, homeless, hobo, bum, job, jobs, fired, fire, unemployment, unemployed, dole, on the dole, benefits, public benefit, public benefits, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, character, characters
"He's Pulled Out The HR File! This Is It Folks, The Atomic Performance Review!"
Tags:hr, h r, human resources, human resource, manilla, manila, manilla folder, manager, managers, supervisor, supervisors, management, upper management, performance, performance review, wrestle, wrestles, wrestlers, wrestling move, special move, finisher, finishing move, wrestling, wrestler, metaphor, metaphorical, death by, death by paperwork, paperwork, wrestling ring, offices, office work, admin, employee, employees
"First time I've ever seen 'humdrum' in a job description."
Tags:hr, human resources, human resource, personnel, job description, job descriptions, hire, hires, hiring, interview, interviews, interviewing, interviewee, interviewees, humdrum, hum drum, bore, bores, boring, unexciting, monotonous, monotony, dire, dreary, dull, mundane, tedious, obvious, honest, honesty, accept, accepting, accepted
"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."
Tags:nomad, nomads, nomadic, modern, modernity, modern life, culture shock, wander, wanderer, hobo, hobos, homeless, interview, resume, cv, resumes, job, jobs, hob interview, work, working, job search, employ, employed, employment, employs, employer, employee, employers, employees, hr, h r, human resources, human resource, interview, interviews, interviewee, training, trainer, trainee, cudgel, cudgels, h r nightmare, unemployed, unemployment, job search, out of work, technology, old fashioned
'Sorry Mike. You're evenly matched in technical skills and productivity, but Zorgbot is simply more affable.'
"They say you are a great warrior."
"Here at Wiblington Social Services we value our staff and respect the need to treat them all as individuals. This for example is individual No. 126GH/89."
"The trick, as I see it, is to insulate yourself with layers of deadwood."
Tags:business practice, businessmen, big business, deadwood, hierarchy, hierarchies, businessman, white collar crime, trick, tricks, trickery, sneak, sneaking, sneaky, dishonest, unethical, ethical business, hiring, firing, personnel, human resources, human resource, hr, h.r., corporate, corporations, job security, office drone, office drones, layer, layers
"Our nap time doesn't roll over, so everybody ends up taking it all at the end of the year."
Tags:nap, naps, sleep, sleeping, sleepy, vacation, vacations, vacationing, holiday, holidays, leave, administrative leave, office work, offices, office workers, roll over, carry over, roll-over, carry-over, childhood, nap nap, naptime, nap-time, end of year, end of year blues, year, fiscal year, business year, business, human resource, human resources, contracts, contract, desk, desk work, desk jockey, desk jockeys
"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"
Tags:paper, papers, crumple, crumpled, office, offices, work, worker, workers, working, working life, world of work, management, manager, managers, supervisors, supervisor, executive, executives, boss, bosses, big boss, delegation, delegate, delegating, delegations, employee, employers, employ, employed, business, hr, h r, human resource, human resources
"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."
Tags:big boss, exec, executive, executives, desk, desks, diy, career, careers, resume, resume skills, good resume, resumes, cv, c v, good cv, cv skills, recruitment, recruiting, hire, hired, hiring, employment, employed, unemployed, unemployment, job, jobs, job application, job applicant, job interview, interview skills, interview skill, interviewee, applicant, application, reject, rejected, harsh, hard, human resources, human resource, hr, h r, school of hard knocks, world of work, hiring officer, hiring officers
"This is a very impressive manifesto."
Tags:job, jobs, work, worker, working, employ, employed, employment, employee, employer, employs, unemployed, unemployment, job search, application, applied, apply, job application, resume, resumes, cv, cv, good cv, good resume, bad resume, bad cv, what not to do, not to do, hr, h r, human resources, human resource, personnel, manifesto, manifestos, politics, political, political manifesto, recruit, recruiting, recruitment, recruits, recruiter
'We are fully committed to stamping out sexism so we really want you to see yourself as one of the chaps.'
'The company is doing much better since we outsourced our ethics division to tribal warlords.'
'Your ad said you were looking for a people person.'
"I thought there would be extra compensation for the coffee breaks I missed during my vacation."
Tags:breaks, break time, coffee break, coffee breaks, time-wasting, time wasting, vacations, holidays, wasting time, wasted time, time off, vacation, holiday, holiday pay, office, offices, coffee, compensation, compensate, hr, human resource, payroll, bonus, bonuses, payrolls, compensation scheme, compensation schemes
'How long have you been working here?' - 'Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.'
"Where's Waldo in five years?"
Tags:where, where do you see yourself, in five years, five year plan, five-year plan, five-year-plan, planning, plan, plans, planned, career, careers, career plan, career advice, careers advice, job, jobs, job interview, interviews, interviewing, resume, good resume, cv, good cv, c v, interview skills, world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words
'We encourage humor in the workplace but we feel you've gone too far...'
'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'
"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."
Tags:ninja, ninjas, ninja-attracting, expert, top shelf, headhunter, headhunters, headhunting, recruits, recruit, recruitment, corporation, business culture, corporate culture, manager, management, human resource, human resources, leader, leadership, leadership skills, employee, employees, employer, employers, focus, work, work habits, motivate, motivation
'Being a roady for the rock band Pearl Jam is cool, but I don't see how that qualifies you to head-up our HR department.'
'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'
'What more could you want? He's loyal, great at sniffing out employee incompetence, and he comes when you call.'