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"You don't look like a Dave."
"Do you have any references?"
"Human Resources wants to know if you still wish to identify with the gender on your birth certificate."
"Stan, I'm afraid we have to let you go. You're just not carrying your weight."
"Yes, I'm a decision-maker. Well, I think I am. Yes, I am. On ther other hand, I don't know. And then again...."
"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"
"I like you, Mr. Estes. You're an independent thinker. Give us a week and we'll knock that out of you."
"Are you a decisive type person?"
'What more could you want? He's loyal, great at sniffing out employee incompetence, and he comes when you call.'
"Is it a good sign when they band your leg?"
"Yes, we need someone to test a run of facial tissue. What makes you qualified?"
I have an attitude problem. Does my insurance cover it?
"Your former employer suspected you might come here and sent me a 'My Deepest Sympathy' card."
"I hear the company offers free massages."
"If your mom calls everytime we talk, perhaps this is not the right job for you."
'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'