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"When I was your age, I had to hike ten miles through the ice and snow to a porno store when I wanted to look at dirty pictures."
Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!
'Hyperbole is going to kill us all!'
"To describe the NHS budget deficit as a 'black hole' is inaccurate and simplistic...I think a 'yawning black chasm stretching deep into the molten bowels of the Earth' would be more appropriate..."
"Tommy and Ben are like Green Berets, Dan and Jerry are Navy Seals and me and Scott are like private contractors."
"Hell has changed its format. Instead of fire, it's now an eternity of dealing with, and flying on, an airline."
'Hello and welcome to the stupidly hyperbolic awards.'
"It strikes me you're making a deal more fuss over this than it calls for, Dan'l."
"Frankly Carl, as an artist you're not very good. In fact, I'd say that you're worse than Hitler."
Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.
'This is the best chamber of all time!'
The only time pigs do fly...
"I must have hit 20 home runs!"
"This year, I'm starting school with a positive attitude! You have my word...I'm waiting till the second week of school to call it the worst year of my life."