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"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"
'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead but I came in for a second opinion.'
"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, mental healthy, psychology, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, imagination, imaginary, referral, referrals, specialist, specialists, referring
John W. Wilson 1949-2009 - Forgot to ask his doctor everything he wanted to ask him.
Tags:doctor, doctors, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, forget, forgets, forgetting, forgot, forgotten, absentminded, absentmindedness, absent-minded, absent-mindedness, disease, diseases, diseased, tombstone, tombstones, epitaph, epitaphs, headstone, headstones, fatal error, fatal errors, fatal mistake, fatal mistakes, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, illness, illnesses, gravestone, gravestones, cause of death, diagnosis, prognosis, concern, concerns, concerned
'I've already diagnosed myself on the web but I thought I'd come in for a second opinion.'
"Yep - peanut-free, Ebola-free, gluten-free. That'll be $74."
Tags:ebola, peanut, peanut allergy, peanut allergies, nut allergy, nut allergies, food allergy, food allergies, gluten allergy, gluten allergies, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, pizza, pizzas, pizza delivery, pizza deliveries, takeaway, takeaways, take-away, take-aways, fussy eater, fussy eaters, picky eater, picky eaters
Providing Healthcare For All
'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'
"Your doctor says it's all in your mind and that you're a hypochondriac? It's a good thing we caught this when we did."
Tags:medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, malpractice, medical malpractice, lawsuit, lawsuits, litigation, suing, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, unethical, greedy, greed
"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"
Tags:nurse, doctor’s office, waiting room, neuroses, worried well, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, worrier, worriers, neurosis, disease, diseases, ill, illness, illnesses, priority, priorities, prioritize, prioritizing, important, importance, waiting room, waiting rooms, wait, waits, waiting, medical care, healthcare, mankoff, covid-19, coronavirus, epidemic, epidemics, pandemic, pandemics, outbreak, outbreaks
"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."
Tags:doctor, doctors, physical, physical exam, check up, check-up, physicals, physical examination, check ups, check-ups, patient, patients, hypochondriac, hypochondria, tv, television, t v, consultant, medical professional, real doctor, fake doctor, fake doctors, media, celebrity, celebrities, celebrity doctor, celebrity doctors, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospitals
"I've written my diagnosis on this piece of paper. I'm going to slide it over to you, and I want you to tell me if you're interested."
Tags:doctor, doctors, health, healthy, diagnose, diagnosis, symptom, symptoms, get well soon, get well, sales, sales pitch, unorthodox methods, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, consultant, consultation, handwriting, doctor's handwriting, physician, check-up, appointment, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriasis
Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs
"It's an awl in your head."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, awl, awls, tool, tools, diagnosis, all in your head, hypochondriac, hypochondria, crazy, imagination, imaginary, expression, expressions, wordplay, word play, play on words
"I'm warning you, I have a cold!"
Tags:cold, colds, influenza, knife crime, knife crimes, contagion, contagions, contagious, crimes, criminal, criminals, flu, germ, germs, contagious disease, contagious diseases, street crime, street crimes, thug, thugs, mugger, muggers, intimidation, germophobe, germophobes, germophobic, germophobics, germophobia, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria
"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."
"Perhaps you'd care for a home medical encyclopedia that is a little less specific, sir."
Tags:encyclopedia, encyclopedias, home encyclopedia, salesman, salesmen, salesperson, salespeople, door-to-door, sell, sells, selling, seller, sellers, medical, medical encyclopedia, symptom, symptoms, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, look up, looks up, looking up, reassure, reassures, reassuring, reassurance, reassurances
Sara M. Decided for once not to check Web MD
Tags:gravestone, gravestones, tombstone, tombstones, graveyard, graveyards, cemetery, cemeteries, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, internet diagnoses, checking symptoms, check symptoms, illness, ill, sickness, sick, disease, diseases, died, death, dead, self diagnose, self diagnoses, self diagnosed
"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."
New Dread: the magazine of undiscovered fears
Tags:dread, dreading, new dread, fear, fears, fearmongering, fear mongering, fear-mongering, scare mongering, scaremongering, scare-mongering, mongering, monger, mongers, fake, fake news, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, phobias, phobia, phobic, benign, every day, everyday, modern, modern life, media, manipulation, manipulate, manipulated, manipulation, populace control, magazine, magazines
'A harmless mole - but keep an eye on it.'
'I have good news and bad news. The good news, you're not a hypochondriac...'
"It's okay...It just thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"
"I told you I was sick! The doc says I'm a full blown hypochondriac....and he gave me a new wonder drug called a placebo!"
Tags:doctor, doctor's office, doctors office, doctor's offices, doctors offices, doctors, gp, gps, patients, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, medical paranoia, medical problems, placebos, wonder drugs, miracle drug, miracle drugs, patients, patient, hypochondriac, drug, wonder drug, placebo, sick, irony