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"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"
'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead but I came in for a second opinion.'
"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, mental healthy, psychology, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, imagination, imaginary, referral, referrals, specialist, specialists, referring
Marvin Blanner: Hypochondriac Thrill-seeker
Tags:door knob, door knobs, door handle, door handles, lick, licks, thrill seeker, thrill seekers, living dangerously, hypochondriac, hypochondriac, hygien, hygienic, germ, germs, corona, coronavirus, corona virus, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, disease, diseases, flu, flus, illness, sickness, virus, viruses
John W. Wilson 1949-2009 - Forgot to ask his doctor everything he wanted to ask him.
Tags:doctor, doctors, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, forget, forgets, forgetting, forgot, forgotten, absentminded, absentmindedness, absent-minded, absent-mindedness, disease, diseases, diseased, tombstone, tombstones, epitaph, epitaphs, headstone, headstones, fatal error, fatal errors, fatal mistake, fatal mistakes, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, illness, illnesses, gravestone, gravestones, cause of death, diagnosis, prognosis, concern, concerns, concerned
'I've already diagnosed myself on the web but I thought I'd come in for a second opinion.'
"Yep - peanut-free, Ebola-free, gluten-free. That'll be $74."
Tags:ebola, peanut, peanut allergy, peanut allergies, nut allergy, nut allergies, food allergy, food allergies, gluten allergy, gluten allergies, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, pizza, pizzas, pizza delivery, pizza deliveries, takeaway, takeaways, take-away, take-aways, fussy eater, fussy eaters, picky eater, picky eaters
Providing Healthcare For All
Health MOT's will attract 'worried well'
'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'
"Your doctor says it's all in your mind and that you're a hypochondriac? It's a good thing we caught this when we did."
Tags:medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, malpractice, medical malpractice, lawsuit, lawsuits, litigation, suing, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, unethical, greedy, greed
"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"
Tags:nurse, doctor’s office, waiting room, neuroses, worried well, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, worrier, worriers, neurosis, disease, diseases, ill, illness, illnesses, priority, priorities, prioritize, prioritizing, important, importance, waiting room, waiting rooms, wait, waits, waiting, medical care, healthcare, mankoff, covid-19, coronavirus, epidemic, epidemics, pandemic, pandemics, outbreak, outbreaks
"I've written my diagnosis on this piece of paper. I'm going to slide it over to you, and I want you to tell me if you're interested."
Tags:doctor, doctors, health, healthy, diagnose, diagnosis, symptom, symptoms, get well soon, get well, sales, sales pitch, unorthodox methods, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, consultant, consultation, handwriting, doctor's handwriting, physician, check-up, appointment, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriasis
"Thank You For Not Mentioning Dr. Oz."
Tags:doctor, doctors, physical, physical exam, check up, check-up, physicals, physical examination, check ups, check-ups, patient, patients, hypochondriac, hypochondria, tv, television, t v, consultant, medical professional, real doctor, fake doctor, fake doctors, media, celebrity, celebrities, celebrity doctor, celebrity doctors, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospitals
"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, placebo, placebos, medical diagnoses, medical diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnosis, medical, medicinal drug, medicinal drugs, prescription drug, prescription dtus, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, anxious, anxiety, anxiousness, anxiety disorder, health conscious, health consciousness, extremely worrisome
"It's an awl in your head."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, awl, awls, tool, tools, diagnosis, all in your head, hypochondriac, hypochondria, crazy, imagination, imaginary, expression, expressions, wordplay, word play, play on words
Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs
"Have you been tested?"
Tags:desert island, desert islands, shipwrecked, shipwreck, land, survivor, survivors, survival, stranded, stranding, sink, sinks, sinking, coronavirus, corona virus, covid, covid-19, test, testing, tested, infecting, infectious, negative, tested negative, contagious, concern, concerned, social isolation, social distancing, carrier, carriers, disease, disease transmission, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, cruise ship, cruise ships
"I'm warning you, I have a cold!"
Tags:cold, colds, influenza, knife crime, knife crimes, contagion, contagions, contagious, crimes, criminal, criminals, flu, germ, germs, contagious disease, contagious diseases, street crime, street crimes, thug, thugs, mugger, muggers, intimidation, germophobe, germophobes, germophobic, germophobics, germophobia, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria
"Hypochondria isn't normal, so I'm still sick... right?"
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, worry, worries, worrying, normal, sick, ill, examine, examining, examination, medical examination, sick, illness, illnesses, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, not normal, irrational, serious illness, serious illnesses, anxious, anxiety
"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."
"Perhaps you'd care for a home medical encyclopedia that is a little less specific, sir."
Tags:encyclopedia, encyclopedias, home encyclopedia, salesman, salesmen, salesperson, salespeople, door-to-door, sell, sells, selling, seller, sellers, medical, medical encyclopedia, symptom, symptoms, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, look up, looks up, looking up, reassure, reassures, reassuring, reassurance, reassurances
'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'
"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"