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'I said... SPEAK UP!'
"I'm all for taking away the darts and giving him back his car keys."
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, bartender, bartenders, server, servers, patron, patrons, customer, customers, drink, drinks, drinking, alcohol, alcoholic, drunk, impaired, tipsy, inebriated, dart, darts, sport, sports, game, games, throwing darts, impale, stab, impaled, stabbed, stuck, car key, car keys, give back, dangerous, bad idea, bad ideas, complaint, complaints, complaining, complain, out of control, out-of-control
"Now that's a great guide dog!"
Tags:guide dog, guide dogs, crossing guard, crossing guards, cross the street, crossing the street, road crossing, road crossings, safety, safety first, health and safety, seeing eye dog, seeing eye dogs, blind, blindness, impaired, impairment, disabled, disability, service animal, service animals, assistance animal, assistance animals
"Look mister, I have nothing against you being blind. And I'm sure you do have super-human-like sense of smell. However, I'm not going to issue you a driver's license."
Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
'You're lying. I can read you like a book.'
'I saw the glass as half-full, whereas management saw the glass and noticed I was half in the bag.'
Blind pole vaulting
"HEY! You two can't just come in here and eat all the peanuts without at least ordering a drink!"
Tags:squirrel, nuts, rodents, rats, peanuts, peanut shells, steal, theft, free food, red squirrel, drinking, bars, drunk, alcoholic, alcohol, impaired, hammered, pub, tavern, bartender, saloon, lounge, inebriated, liquor, plastered, drinking, booze, tavern, boozer, barroom, buy, order, customer, customers
Tags:balloon, balloon pop, latex, thin skinned, skin, needle, tattoos, helium balloon, tattoo needle, bad idea, drunk idea, drunk decision, tattoo parlor, tattooist, tattoo idea, regret, regrets, instant regret, drinking, bars, friend, las vegas, drunk, alcoholic, alcohol, bar, impaired, pissed, hammered, wasted, pub, tavern, inebriated, liquor, plastered, drinking, booze, binge, egging each other on, bad idea, bad ideas
Sal's recent remodeling accommodated his many beer-gut-impaired customers.
Tags:remodel, remodels, remodeling, remodelling, beer, beers, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, tavern, taverns, cutout, cutouts, cut out, cut outs, gut, guts, belly, bellies, accommodate, accommodates, accommodating, customer, customers, impair, impairs, impaired, impairment, impairments, close to home
Tags:word game, word games, word-game, word-games, pun, puns, pear, pears, impaired, dangerous driver, dangerous drivers, dangerous driving, drunk driver, drunk drivers, drunk driving, drink driver, drink drivers, drink driving, dui, driving under the influence, driving under influence, traffic accident, traffic accidents, collision, collisions, car accident, car accidents, car, cars, traffic
"Did you remember to get a new battery for your hearing aid?"
"Warning! Consumption of alcohol whilst using your phone increases the size of the send button by 90%."
Tags:drunk text, drunk texts, drunk texting, ex, exes, ex-girlfriend, ex-girlfriends, drunk, drunks, drunken night, drunken nights, send button, send buttons, bad decision, bad decisions, decision making, impaired, impairment, smartphone, smartphones, smart phone, smart phones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, phone, phones, drunken decision, drunken decisions, blackout, blackouts, blacked out, regret, regrets, mistake, mistakes
'Of course I'm drunk! You'd be crazy to drive here without being drunk!'
'I can't understand a word they're saying when they all talk at once.'
'Face it, you're mechanically impaired.'
"Dance? You're kidding, right? I may be impaired, but I'm not visually impaired."
'Cliff! Cliff!.. Where are you Cliff?'
"Man, I'm going to regret this when I sober up."
"Here. Drink this till I'm hot."