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"You've really been with us quite a while, haven't you, Hepburn?"
"Fortunately, you have the life savings of a man three times your age."
"He would've been out last week, but he got sick eating hospital food."
A raccoon is hooked up to a trashcan IV.
"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."
"The amputation went well Mr Jones, but we have one slight hiccup."
Doctors Without Inferiors
"Come on, Mr James, I know you're in there."
A heart lies on an IV drip.
"So, tell me about this heart problem."
"That's it! Visiting time is over!"
"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."
"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"
Doctor tells sick patient: 'The good part, if you're looking to impress, is that it's not a disease, it's a syndrome.'