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"Look alive, Proust, you're next."
The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew
"I'm sorry, young man, I just can't go through with this ceremony!"
"Oh, thank God!"
A toaster plays fetch
"I swear, if someone told me ten years ago I'd be sitting naked on a tree limb talking to a can of peaches in syrup, I'd have said they were crazy."
'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'
'Phew! I've cooled down a bit now, but for a while there it felt like everything was boiling up inside me and I might just crack under the strain!'
STILL LIVES - Apple half: 'Hi, I'd like you to meet the other half...'
"Stop fidgeting...every time we move it scares the bejeebers out of them!"
"So, how long have you been hearing voices?"
Homeless, crippled, blind, inanimate object.
Man sees statue sneezing.
'Spreadbury! Never forget a face - 1957! Gave you a beating... good old school days, eh? Spreaders?'
Baseball says to prankster basketball: You're such a joker.
The Man Who Could Extract Guilt From Inanimate Objects,
'Listen to this Ted. It says here that one of the first signs of insanity is talking to inanimate objects.'
It could've been the wind, but he was sure the bear had sneezed.
"Funny how you can get so attached to inanimate objects."