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'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'
Lawyer to other exiting courtroom: 'The client was such a pain in the neck, we paid out for pain and suffering to his lawyers.'
"Sorry, sir, but you can't collect on your life insurance policy when you don't have a life."
"We're just living from huge payout to huge payout."
'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'
"No, Mrs. Johnson, in life insurance we don't have a policy that provides for the 'full replacement value' for your husband."
"We'll keep you poor throughout your life, but at least you'll be rich after you die."
"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"
"Insurance company kept their side of the bargain."
'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'
"... So, how much will I get when he falls down the stairs?"
"Oh yeah, they've got me insured up to the eyeballs. These days I run across the road just for fun."
'Now that you're married you should have insurance.' - 'But my wife isn't dangerous.'
'Instead of getting our car fixed, I used the check from the insurance company on something more important...a big-screen TV.'
'Come and git it... if you're man enough !'
'Look closer -- the get-well card IS your insurance payment.'
"How can it be an 'Act of God'? Your policy states you're an atheist."
"Dad's shingling the roof and mom says she's inches away to an insurance claim that will change her life."
"We have a new fire and theft policy. We only pay if your house is burgled while its burning."
"He is suffering from really bad chest pains, do you sell life insurance?"
"It doesn't matter if anyone heard you fall, I am sure we can get you a large cash settlement."
"Can I claim my lump sum please?"