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'If the government keeps attacking rich tax dodgers I've a good mind to move abroad and not pay my taxes somewhere else!'
"This guy makes big money, but every penny goes to support his opulent life style. Let's give him a break."
'You seem to be raking in a lot of money.' 'I didn't realize I planted it in pay dirt.'
'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'
'You want a second opinion? OK, you owe thirty five hundred dollars AND you're ugly.'
'If we're going to wage war against the 'Axis of Evil' and save social security, you'll need to earn more.'
'His last request is to call up the Internal Revenue Service and tell them to go to HELL!'
'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'
"I see you made the check out to 'Infernal Revenue Service'. Do you know the penalty for a frivolous return?"
'One day son, all of this will be the taxman's.'
'Taxidermist? No, no...I consider myself a 'tax enthusiast.' But I agree that I captured his essence, and he looks very natural.'
"You're interdenominational, you attend the electronic church, and you want to deduct your channel changer as transportation. Have I got that right?"
I.R.S.: 'Notice: The rumor that we have merged with homeland security is untrue!'
Tax - Random Audit
'Because of taxes, I may have to make some drastic changes.'
'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'
'You're to appear as a state's witness in a case involving undeclared income, by one of your clients.'
"Which set of books do you want?"
"We'll take the front, you go round the back."
"He's looking for small change - it's the most intensive audit I've ever known."
"You wouldn't dare say that to me if my accountant were here."
IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.
'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'
'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'
'Since everyone is on a health kick, how about a jogging gear tax?'