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"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."
'After being on my site all day, it's nice to see some traffic.'
'Yeah, very impressive - but can you improve my website's Search Engine Ranking?'
The NSA organizes its new sprawling data farm based on the different types of web traffic...
"My website has fewer impressions than Frank Caliendo."
"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."
"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."
"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."
"Just ignore it. It's click-bait."
'This new technology allows you to track reaction to your site's content.'
"We've had millions of visitors to our website, but there's no way of telling how many of them actually believe in us!"